finding my way...

why is it sometime that the thing we fear the most turns out to be the best thing for us in the end?? after my horrible last break up earlier this year i was left feeling so empty and incomplete. i mean i was with this person, and i saw a life with them, i sketched and did blue prints for a house on autocad, we had cars, bank accounts, credit cards, and my family like him. i cultured him, showed him vic and anthonys, when he was used to the golden corral, i upgraded him brom ross dress for less to foley's (now macys), and club monnaco. i had a love for him, that i cannot put into words, so when he left like he did, and did the things he did i din't know how to take it, and i didn't take it well. i cried for days and night, abandoned our apartment, and avoided those most close to me. i thought would never be able to love again. during the entire summer my life was just one depressing thing after another...i even ended up in jail. while i was in jail i had a lot of time to think, i thought a lot about loving myself, and who were really the most important people in my life. i knew that when i got out of jail i needed to turn my life into something good, something powerful, and love would be the last thing on my mind. my family showed me how much they loved me, when i was released they were there to bring me home, i spent a week at home eating good food, and readjusting to my new life. i returned to houston, to another ex just for the sake of having someone sleep next to me at night, but i was not the kind of person he wanted. he wanted me to be submissive, and take his shit, and i was tired of that. i started graduate school at u of h and decided i maybe need to venture away from houston. i started to brainstorm places, atlanta, nope too typical, dc maybe, NYC YES!!!! i decided to attend nyu for graduate and after advice from many i knew that it would be good for me. i decided to return home to spend time with my family before i left, and i mustsay that was the best decision of 2006. i am here now with my mother and sibling, and i am enjoying myself. my mother and i are getting back to normal, my brother and i still have disagreements, but i just take them for what they are, and i love my crazy ass big sister to death... it feels good to be done with college, able to relax around family and not have to always worry about so much stress. in houston i was sooooo stressed over so much shit that i could not even control. i have found love, i have 3 job...yes 3 jobs, to save for my move, and i am loving life for the first time in forever.....