Monday, March 28, 2011

Honoring Dr. Mark Colomb’s Contribution to the Response to HIV

 By Christopher Bates, Executive Director, Presidential Advisory Council on HIV/AIDS (PACHA), U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
PEPFAR
Dr. Mark Colomb
This week we lost another leader in the HIV community. Dr. Mark Colomb (1963-2011) was passionately committed to Mississippi and other southern communities; and he focused on responding to the needs of Black men who have sex with men. Dr. Colomb participated in the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's (CDC) consultation which resulted in the establishment of the Minority AIDS Initiative (MAI) in 1997. The MAI provides critical resources to enhance and increase the access of racial and ethnic minorities to HIV/AIDS prevention, care, and treatment services. Dr. Colomb’s work helped pave the way for the creation of National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day (NBHAAD) Exit Disclaimer, an HIV/AIDS testing and treatment community mobilization initiative targeting the Black community; the founding of My Brother’s Keeper (MBK) Exit Disclaimer, a national organization dedicated to reducing health disparities in African-Americans, where he served as President/CEO; and the Mississippi Urban Research Center (MURC) Exit Disclaimer at Jackson State University (JSU) Exit Disclaimer, which serves as a clearinghouse for dissemination of research data on pressing urban issues.

As we remember Dr. Colomb, I encourage you to watch the following video from the Black AIDS Institute Exit Disclaimer where he speaks about his work in response to HIV in Mississippi:

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

When little boys want to dress like little girls....

Back in 2010, I decided to do so soul searching, and decide where I wanted to be for the next chapter of my life. I decided to start with the man in the mirror (I pray the MJ estate does not sue me). In the type of work I do, I was am faced with many issues from young black men, although we are all different in character, many of our issues are very similar, and not many have wanted to dig a lot deeper. I moved to a new city, opened my mind to new things and exploring the mind.

For many years I avoided physiology in mostly all forms. Traditionally young black men don't seek help for the many problems we face, and with my job I saw, and and seeing this is a problem in our community. We don't talk about the things we are exposed to most of the time, or at least I didn't. In the world we live in often times parents are often far too busy with trying to maintain a household, and sense of "normal" to address a lot of issues that are very present, and can become rather toxic.

Being born black, at 25 I have share many of the issues that a lot of my brothers share, along with issues that a lot of young black men and boys are facing. Please bare with me, I know I jump around, I pray with proper training I will get better with this, but the reading will be great I promise.

I decided in 2011 I was going to lay the foundation to go back to school, I decided I wanted to study something completely different, something that almost untapped. I decided to start working on a degree in counseling\physiology where I study the minds, habits and behaviors of the African-American Man.  I am still in the beginning stages of this work, but my outline has started and I feel the link to this story that was posted on a facebook friend's page would spark quite a debate for the good.

I'll admit, I was busy at work, but I had to repost and see what even my own friends and family members would have to say. I woke up this morning viewed the story in it's entirety, and had a few thoughts of my own that I will share.

I knew it would definitely take me back to my own boyhood, At 25 years old I am still dealing with very many issues from my own childhood, issues I blame no one for, but understand they are blessings from God so I can now help others and have understanding in my essence that others might not have for particular individuals, and  or situations. As a young boy, I enjoyed more domestic qualities. I enjoyed homemaking, dating back to kindergarten I clearly remember my teacher point out to my mother during open house that my play station was the home station in which it had a little kitchen, table, dishes, and items many little boys would not play with. I enjoyed playing with the girls on the playground in traditional "girl" games, I loved the spring season becasue of the pastel colors. I never had a desire to play sports, but I loved non-traditional African-American sports that most black men were not exposed to such as swimming, polo, and racket ball. My older brother was six years older than I, so we didn't have traditional bonding, and or sports time together, we watched TV together, and by time I came playing age he was done with the playing phase in his life. Instead of going out side and playing sports my mother, god parents and even step father let me play inside with toys, and watch tv. I fell in love with the Cosby Show for all of the traditional values that you see are the "norm" for American families, on television at least. My god mother was a great homemaker, so I learned as much as I could from her, from quilting, to cooking some things I do better than others. My mother always bought me dishes, and if you knew me as a child you know yes I was a little boy with I can finally say it after 20 years a doll house.

I had the Little Tikes Place, which was my favorite toy to this day. I was able to move the furnishings, decorate, and most people understood or for fear of my mother if they had any objections they kept them to themselves. My father's side of the family had objections, but no control, and that is all I will say about that. I had the house, later the stable, I took pride in collecting all of the accessories and building it as I one day wanted to build my own family life like that.

When I was about seven years old, I took all the money I had saved and went to Perry Brother's in Downtown Bryan, and bought a Barbie Doll. Even with buying the Barbie, I knew it was crossing the line, so I hid it for so long until one day my mother found it. Because it was not the norm, or she might have been dealing with the stress of having a "soft" or "feminine" son, she was furious, but even in a loving way after she blew up she sat me down and asked me "Terrance, do you think or want to be a girl?" I simply replied no, but it was what was normal for myself. I threw away the doll, along with some other paper dolls I had, and I noticed after that I did things to try to make myself more " boyish". I enrolled in Basketball in which I was terrible, tried playing football with my cousins, but preferred to be on the sidelines with the little girls cheering. Even through my adolescence, I knew being a cheerleader would not be accepted so I became the mascot so I could get a uniform. I enjoyed dressing nice, fashion, things that most young black men were told to stay away from.

I always understood I was a boy, and now a man, but society had deemed that so many things were for boys and girls. A boy playing with dolls is no different from the a "tom-boy" girl who loves sports, or the outdoors. If a young lady does not feel like cooking, and cleaning for her dad and brothers, and prefers watching football, and working on a car heaven forbid, she is going to be a lesbian, and that's not the case. If a man has good taste or he speaks softly, takes pride in his appearance he is deemed as homosexual, when that is not always the case. This makes me ask where do we draw the line and start creating our own standards for INDIVIDUALS to be INDIVIDUALS not what society thinks is normal? This is far from a gay-straight thing, it's more of a social relevance issue if you ask me. And it's time we start asking and answering some of these questions!

In this particular article I am so in support of his parents. They are showing support, unconditional love, and most importantly they are letting their son be who he wants to be. I think it's too early to label this young man as "gay" or same gender loving. He is just a little boy who knows what he likes, and has been blessed with parents that fully support what he wants for HIS life. I don't appreciate people attacking them, and saying they need help, and they need God, from the looks of things, they seem to be doing very well, and according to society that's all that matters right?

I could go on and on, but in closing I will say this, I am glad to be living in a day where I see on national T.V. black parents and children having open minds. It's sories like this that are signs from God that the work I am planning on doing in the next chapter of my life is very much needed. I welcome all of you comments!!!!

Happy New Year!

It's 2011! May this be a great year filled with blessings for you! We are looking forward to so many awesome things this year. I invite you to follow me so you get updates as I post more! Have a joyous New Year!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

I came, I saw, I CONQUERED! 2010 in the books! Part I

2010, whew....it's almost over. I must say 2010 has been everything to me! The year started off cold, and just to be honest BAD. I will say overall I have had the most personal growth in 2010 than any other year.
During the past twelve months, I was forced to grow up, deal with problems that had been hurting and haunting me if not all most of my life. I learned the TRUE meanings of both friendship, and family, I was forced to look in the mirror, and the most scary this was I didn't know who or what I was looking at.  I spent the better first half of the year depressed on several different levels, I felt sorry for myself, wanted others to feel sorry for me, and I damn near gave up on thinking I would ever be happy in life.

My love life in 2010:

Well I think I learned the most about myself in dating, and I sure as hell know what I am NO longer willing to put up with. Many of you that follow me know, the year started off rocky for me on the dating from, for the most part I thought I had found the love of my life, and even had a backup. I was lied to, cheated on, and just for the lack of better words, royally screwed over. A few times I began to question myself, and considered changing some things to accommodate people in my life, but I had a change of heart!  Mid way through the year I prayed for help in the journey of love in my life, and did he answer my prayers. In July I suffered by far the largest set back in my love life to this day, when I got terrible news about someone I was very involved with, and some things he had done, and been involved in. Those I felt that needed to know about that situation know what happened, and for the most part I am done talking about it and him. I will say I now have the PERMANENT separation from him, that was so hard for me to accomplish on my own. A greater power stepped in a told me to move on, and made it possible for me to do so!  I feel to talk about it is a part of my daily healing process, but I will say this it showed me that people know me, and know my heart. It made me see who my true friends were, and that my mother has my back no matter what. It's a daily process, but with much prayer, and therapy I am getting over it!

Then there was ONE, someone else I loved almost more than life itself came in and out of my life. We were the best of lovers, but the worst of friends, and that's just not a good combination! I tried to tuff it out, I let him humiliate me time after time, and still tried to be there, but it was clear that we needed to go in different directions. I thought by dating someone that seemed to be older, more mature, and established, it would be great, and it has not. Turns out he lied, he' still very much confused about life, and just needs to so some heavy soul searching, oh well it's no longer my problem!

In late September, a associate gave me the heads up about a possible job opening\position. I was in no place mentally, physically, or financially to just start over, but I knew I needed some change in my life.  I prayed long, hard and deep, and decided to really step out on faith. I started taking the steps I needed to be self sufficient, and with only a few hundred dollars (very few), my camera, computer, and a blackberry my sister gave me I decided to take life by the horns.


On Tuesday September 27th, I had the most difficult job interviews of my life. When I went into the room and closed the door, something told clicked in my head and told me "Terrance, this is that chance for change you need, don't blow this, go in and give it your very best."  During that interview, my resume, my Alma Matter, attire, and everything we place such a heavy emphasis on didn't matter quite as much. They wanted to know who was Terrance, and honestly at that point, I didn't even know who I was. I don't recall the exact question, but I had to take a pause, and just ask God to step in, and did he. It seemed that over 25 years of bottled up pain and hurt just came out, as my eyes started to water, and my foot started to shake in my shoes uncontrollably. I closed in my interview by just saying "I know I'm  great pick because I've lived, I've lost and I'm living." I got the job offer about two weeks later.

Often times we don't realize just how much one has impacted our life until they are no longer with us. I feel my eyes getting heavy as I type this, but it's a part of my process. It was not until early October I realized how blessed I was to have this particular person in my life for 25 years. This is coming from my heart, and I feel the tears falling....To say that my mother's older brother Maxie was a character would not give him the credit as the amazing individual he was. Often times we glorify people after death, and only remember what we want about them, most of the time to make them look good. When you live in a world where we have false perceptions of what perfect is, and what it's supposed to be it's hard to separate the fact from fiction. I am just going to give the facts....

My mother believes in this thing called unconditional love when it comes to family. In life we love the good time, but never talk about the bad times, we are quick to kick people when they are down, and not try to help them up for many different reasons. My uncle was ALWAYS there for my mother. With him always being there for my mother he was always there for me. He showed me examples of what a brother is supposed to do for his children, parents, siblings, and friends. When I was down and out, he could always find the right words to make whatever situation better. One of our most powerful conversations came back in March while we were in the parking lot of a grocery store in my hometown, when he told me "Nephew, your mother has always been there for me no matter, what, when you have so many other (expletive)'s that just use and abuse you, your mother is the same, has been the same no matter, what, and I could not want for another sister. "Whether it's working at Mc Donalds, or sitting behind that computer nephew you find a way to take care of yourself, and make a way to take care of her, and no matter what remember your family, you come from two of the best." He made sure he reinforced for me to take care of her, and show her unconditional love, he said she is very much like her mother, but things she's wanted to change she has, and that what makes her my sis, I trust her with my life." I knew that was important, but I didn't know what else was going to happen, and I didn't expect to be talking about him in the past tense now. In early October, I rode with my mother to pick him up from the hospital in Temple, Texas. I went up to get him while my mom waited, and I never realized the follow hours would be my last time ever talking to him, but in those few hours I learned so much, and he touched on so many different things. He had just gotten off the phone with his oldest son Julian who lives in California, and he said they had a long, great conversation, I told him I was moving to Dallas the following week, and he told me to do my very best, go to work, have fun, and enjoy life. Now that I think back we were close for many reasons, he was friends with my late father, in the later years of their life he had become a permanent fixture around my late God parents' home helping them with odd jobs, and over the past few years he had lived with my family in Bryan. Through the loss of his own mother, he still talked to me, I would take him food, when he was sick I would make him tea, and advise him to take the medication my mother would get, if not there would be hell to pay from her. He heard me cuss one time, and said "Nephew, I don't know who you sound like, you are even proper with your cussing, and I know that's not from my sister or your daddy". I was in New Orleans, LA training for my new job, when my mother called, and told me she had found him in pretty bad condition can he had been rushed to the hospital, for some reason, I knew things would never be the same. As God started doing his work to prepare a place for him in heaven, I just went into prayer and just praised God for having someone in my life so special. I didn't rush down the highways to stand by his bedside, I had been there when only my mother and grandfather were, I felt no need to make anything. The final conversation we had was a great one, and I left it there, When I received the call that he had passed I remember this blank feeling coming across me, but I felt that his battle was won. Designing his funeral program was a honor, this was a person that knew so much about me, and someone I loved dearly. I knew I was going to need to be strong for those that needed it more. It's only been a few weeks, but I know I have another Angel looking out for me. I have become extremely close with my older cousin Julian, it feels great having another artist in the family, and he is so much like his father, and other siblings. Someone said it seems like you two have grown up together, and I said "we are just our parents' sons!

Monday, December 13, 2010

My thought for the week! 12.12.2010-12.19.2010

Life is a book, I am learning to mark pages, to revisit for reference purposes, but FINISH some chapters for good! 2010 has been a year to remember, and I thank God for all of the wisdom I have gotten over this past year, I am ready to move into the next chapters of my life according to HIS WILL! Have a great week Saints! - Terrance O. Gilbert

Thursday, December 09, 2010

A conversation with Cadillac Kimberly

Uppity Brotha's EXCLUSIVE with THE BOSS Cadillac Kimberly. CK tells why she's NOT homophobic, NOT like Wendy Williams and is embarrassed by The Real Housewives Of Atlanta.

By: Terrance O. Gilbert, http://uppityworld.blogspot.com
Dallas, Texas
Follow me on twitter: @un_dphined_85
http://terrance-omar.tumblr.com/


Cadillac Kimberly has blown up on the blogosphere and You Tube with her commentary on various issues from television reviews, to personal encounters, to advocacy issues, and she is just getting started. Uppity Brotha Terrance O. Gilbert recently was granted an exclusive interview with her on a stop in Dallas for Halloween weekend at The Brick in Dallas, Texas.

“You are special because I don’t do this shit for everyone.” Cadillac Kimberly told UB. “I did my first Vlog as a joke one night, went to bed, woke up the next morning, and my shit had over 8,000 hits on youtube. Sandra Rose really looked out, and I will always be grateful to her.” Originally from Boston, Kimberly calls Atlanta, GA, home. She’s laid back, real down to earth, a bit edgy, and blunt is an understatement.

Uppity Brotha: What’s your zodiac sign?
Cadillac Kimberly: Libra
UB: Are you married?
CK: Not yet, but my husband is on His way.
UB: So how do you plan on marketing yourself?
CK: First off I would like to say that I'm not JUST a comedian, I'm an entertainer. I don't know who started that shit. (she speaks VERY candidly)

I felt the need to ask her how she felt about being compared to Wendy Williams, and even being labeled the “new” Wendy Williams of the South?
CK: I don't, you all do. I bring a LOT more to the table than some "gossip." I bring comedy AND The Word as well. Everything I say is true to the best of my knowledge and how I genuinely feel.

Next UB decided to ask her opinion; was she homophobic? A few things
she said in Vlogs previous caught some people’s attention, and I wanted to give her the chance to clear it up. When I asked the question “So are you
homophobic?” Kimberly paused, looked at me and
said "I don’t know why people think that. I am VERY close friends with Dwight Eubanks (from The Real Housewives of Atlanta). I would kiss him dead in the mouth, but you know he wouldn't be interested. LOL Anybody that know what the fuck is going on knows they have to have a fly ass gay on their team; they provide that balance and fabulosity you need for shit to run correctly. I have 2 that are BEYOND LOYAL on my team. Who even came up with that stupid shit??”
UB: “Kimberly where do you see yourself going? Television, stand up? What?" She simply replied “I don’t tell all my business, just stay tuned.”

UB: How do you feel about the Real Housewives of Atlanta?
CK: I’m embarrassed. They don't represent the ladies of the "A" worth a damn!
UB: Do you think Phedra Parks is a bit much?
CK: To people that don’t know her, but I know her personally and she's fabulous as hell.
UB: Nene Leakes?
CK: Nene is a bully, a broke ass bully bitch at that. Nathan (Ne-Ne), if you are reading this, you need $5? She ain’t shit….
UB: Do you feel more empowered having a black president in
the white house?
CK: No. I approach President Obama the same way as with every situation/person;
with caution. The fact that he's black doesn't automatically make him trustworthy.
UB: What’s your favorite food & cocktail?
CK: Free is my favorite! LOL I like top shelf drinks though. (Kettle One Vodka for sure)
UB: What criticism have you received?
CK: I only receive constructive criticism from those I respect and love. As of late the only criticism has been for me to look up more when doing my Vlogs and I'm working on that.

I decided to take it to a very serious matter that has developed a stigma in the black community. I just had to find out what Cadillac Kimberly's thoughts were on the HIV-AIDS epidemic in the African- American community.

UB: What are your thoughts on the HIV-AIDS Epidemic?
CK: It’s all depends on the person, and their outlook. There was a cure before
there was AIDS….GOD, He’s a HEALER. Your faith can heal you as well, TRUST.

UB: How do you feel about “Downlow” or “DL” men?
CK: They are low down as hell. And they don't have to lie. They would be surprised how many women they would be able to pull just being honest. Lots of women like Bi men. I DON'T, but loads do.
UB: Who are some of the most attractive black men to you?
CK: Let’s see, who would I give some pu**y to? Idris Elba

UB: So what really went down with you and Flirtandflutterlashloft.com’s owner Shae Evans?
CK: Let’s just say everything in that Vlog I said about her was true. We were VERY good friends/business associates. On a scale of 1 to 10 she was an 8, but she spat and shitted on me once she felt she had gotten strong off my strength. Bootleg ass businesswoman. When I filmed the Vlog about the situation it was three days after our argument so you can see just how deep the shit was if I was still that pissed after three days. Bitch. One of her strongest employees now works for me though on the up side. (brushes shoulders off)

Cadillac Kimberly was a JOY to hang with for the time we spent. She says her mission is not to be known as a celebrity, but yet a Humanitarian. She stated that we ALL are celebrities, because the definition of one is a person who is to be celebrated.She was very supportive in my future endeavors and wanted to know more about me, my goals and my aspirations. The most touching part of the interview was when she had some words of encouragement to a female fan in Texas via the phone who felt like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Cadillac Kimberly might not like labels, but I will say she is on to something. Rarely do you meet down to earth individuals, willing to reach out to others, not let a little bit of popularity or fame change them, and from what I observed, to change is not Cadillac Kimberly’s style. She acted as if she knew me for years, and treated me like anyone would want to be treated.

“I see her becoming one of the most sought after Vloggers because of her style, and ability to speak from the soul" a MediaMogul said recently.“I see her taking off and within the next year doing some HUGE things."

Uppity Brotha was honored to get to spend some time with this individual that’s quickly becoming the talk of the community of young African-Americans, and we hope to be on her team.

We would like to send a special shout out to Cadillac Kimberly’s entire team (whom she affectionately refers to as #TEAMCADDY) who made this interview possible, and
special thanks to Roy Murray of Dallas for bringing this talented professional entertainer to Dallas!

www.cadillackimberly.com


Photo Credits: Trademark Fotography & Design Dallas, TX
Check us out!
http://uppityworld.blogspot.com
http://trademarkfotography.blogspot.com
Story: Terrance O. Gilbert
Dallas, Texas
Uppity.brotha@gmail.com

Sunday, November 28, 2010

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the [Cancerian]

22nd June to 23rd July

Strengths Weaknesses
Adaptable Moody
Loyal Sensitive
Attached to family Emotional
Empathetic

Symbol: The Crab
Ruling Planet: Moon
Quality: Cardinal
Element: Water
Basic Trait: I Feel
Closest Metal: Silver
Lucky Day: Monday
Lucky Colors: Green, Silver-Grey, Cream and White
Lucky Gems: Opal, Pearl and Moonstone
Lucky Flowers: Daisies and Wallflowers

Cancer zodiac sign has the symbol of 'The Crab'. One of the basic characteristics of a is that he is very prone to mood swings, which are matched by changing emotions. At one point of time, you may have seen him in a typical party mood, enjoying himself and laughing at other people's jokes. He may come across as the most extroverted member in the entire group. However, another time, he may be completely introverted, sitting in a corner and lost in his own world. This single personality trait can help you in identifying a Cancer very easily.

A Cancerian will never run behind fame and publicity, but if he ever gets it, he definitely knows how to bask in the limelight. In a melancholic mood, he can become the coldest person on this earth and drown you in his bottomless depression. Cancerians are prone to pessimism and usually hide their fears behind a veil of humor. They love to dream and for them, sky's the limit. When he cries, it is because he is deeply hurt from inside. A harsh glance or a rough tone can easily break Cancer's vulnerable heart.

When he is hurt, he will either cry his heart out or retreat into a silent spell. However, it is rare that he takes revenge from the one who has hurt him. If a Cancer retreats to his shell, you can be sure he will become completely unreachable. He won't pick his phone, answer the doorbell or even check his mail. Another mood that can engulf a Cancer is a snappy one, or you can say a crabby one. He will hate the world and snap at anything and everything. However, you can be sure he is not angry with you and will soon be his normal self again.

While in a conversation, the facial features of a crab will change a number of times, displaying his numerous moods. He has a vivid imagination and at times will drown you in his moods too. Each and every experience affects him and gets engraved in his memory. Cancerians remember everything life has taught them and are true patriots. Past intrigues them and they love to collect antiques, old treasures and ancient relics. They are the perfect keepers of secrets and people automatically confide in them.

However, their own thoughts and secrets are strictly off limits for everyone. A typical cancer will never discuss his personal life with anyone. Compassion and intuition gel perfectly with the Cancer profile. He seldom judges people, just soaks up what comes his way and reflects the same. He will never ever give up an object he cherishes, be it a gift from a lover or the worn jeans he loves wearing. Cancerians have a soft heart; they care about people and are quite helpful. However, they wait to see if someone else is helping.

If the answer is yes, they will sit back and let the other person be the savior. In case no one comes forward; they will be there to rescue you. A Cancer person may come at the last minute, but he will save you just before you are about to drown. He is not selfish, it just that he never wants to be impulsive. But, he will save you nonetheless. Before he makes any move, a Cancerian must be sure of strong backing. Without it, he hates to venture on his own. He does not forget mistakes easily, especially his own.

He will brood over them and take a long time before moving ahead again. Cancerian loves, rather reveres, his home and his loved ones. Too much is not even enough for him. He needs more, more security, more love and more care. Insecurity may lead him to depression and weaken him physically. However, Cancerians have this amazing quality of self-healing. All they require is happiness, optimism and laughter in large doses. They are prone to negative thoughts and are always preparing for the unseen future.

The maxim 'Old is Gold' fits perfectly to a Cancer, whether it is the case of people or things. He is also very good at making as well as managing wealth. He has a large heart and will share willingly if his loved ones are in need. However, wastage, especially of food, is sure to tick him off. All the sensitivity of a crab is hidden beneath his hard shell and it will take much care and love to bring him out of his shell and close to you!

why DALLAS? [part I]


I guess this will serve as my official press release and answer many questions about my move to Dallas, Texas!

In mid September a fellow social net-worker sent me a message about a job opening in Dallas. I had made it no secret that I was in love with Dallas, TX, and if ever awarded the proper opportunity for upward bound, I would relocate there.

2010 has been a extremely difficult year for me to say the least. I had health problems, the abrupt ending to a on & off eight year relationship, my private life being made very public. I dealt with image issues, identity issues, and severe depression. In the midst of all of those issues for the most part I hid behind my computer screen, if you didn't know me personally, you would think I was enjoying every bit of my life, when I had to be one of the most miserable people walking.

Thinking back most of my problems that made 2010 extremely difficult were direct results of things that had happened in only the last few months of 2009. I allowed many others into parts of my life that were typically reserved for myself only.

When I found out about the job opening, I immediately turned to God, I started praying for him to show me, and guide me. I prayed profusely every chance I got, and through it all in a very short time he turned around my entire way of thinking. If I had ever questioned my faith in him, he showed me in a quick time to NEVER doubt his abilities.

I arrived in Dallas, Texas during the late hours of September 27th, 2010 with a suitcase of clothes, a pillow, and my backpack. A associate from college told me I could crash at his place while I interviewed, and helped me through the process. I went to the interview on Tuesday September 28th, I was extremely nervous, I was interviewing for a community based job, where I made it know I had not lived in Dallas, I just had a lot of distant relatives, friends and associates there. Interviewing I dressed down, come kakhi pants, a brown cloth belt, some Steve Madden loafers, one of my signature vests, and a white dress shirt I found on sale at Old Navy about two years ago. When I entered the interview, the two individuals interviewing me were very relaxed, however you could tell they were carefully going to pay attention to my every word, move, and thought...

Once general questions were asked about the position, and my abilities were discussed, then the questions came about me and what would make me the idea candidate for this position. I was applying for a position in HIV-AIDS intervention in a city where the rates for young black men who have sex with men is high, so what would me, a boy from rural Texas do with people from the inner city? Honestly I didn't know. I had lived in Houston for seven years, at age 18 I moved to the suburbs so I never felt the need to interact with people in the city. I had no idea of the struggles of daily life people face. I just knew if awarded the opportunity to work for a program I had been following since it's inception, I would do my best to make a difference.

On Monday October 4th, I was sitting in the living room of my mother's home in Bryan, TX when the phone rang, it was the director from my program calling to officially offer me the position, I didn't know at 10:38am that phone call would change my life forever......

Friday, October 29, 2010

Kanye, Kanye, KANYE!




I am not his biggest fan, but I am definitely now in the running to become it! I have felt Kanye for a long time, but his outburst and being so controversial for no reason sometimes got in the way. So many young black men are not taken seriously, and he was set up to be successful from birth in my own opinion! I listened to his first album and it told a story, literally at the end about how he moved to Jersey to pursue his dream after he dropped out of college, that has been and will be very inspirational always to me. But he lost me last year with the Taylor Swift incident at the VMA's, but I have always found him to be strangely attractive! The man has style, I thought him and my other baby John Legend were "more than friends" for a while, but I don't know what happened. Now photos of him have hit the infamous mediatakeout.com...All I can say is if this is him...hmmm he could get it for-real now!

MTO EXCLUSIVE: WE GOT NEKKID PICS . . . OF KANYE WEST!!! (PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED)

Thursday, October 28, 2010

New logo!


I designed a new logo..give me your thoughts!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I have a new home guys!


I relocated to Dallas, Texas to start a new career, and launch my PR-Marketing-Fotography agency. I will be working in the HIV-AIDS field with young men in Dallas and surrounding areas! I feel like this is where I need to be, and the thought of making a change in my own community just delights me. God has blessed me tremendously, and I am going to take a few things to another level. I am looking forward to this new life in a new city!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Honoring my sign...Cancer

Cancer are born between June 22st and July 22nd


Cancer Characteristics, All About Cancer Personality, Celebrity Cancer, Daily Cancer Horoscope and More
Cancer Characteristics and Profile

Provided by Tarot.com

Crabs live in the inter-tidal zone of the oceans, where tides rise and fall twice every day. This is the most dynamic and changeful place on earth, but also the most nutrient rich. Because of the constant change, Cancer have developed a hard outer shell for protection. Cancer can use the hard outer shell of your home as your protection. But it's more than just that. Typically, your sensitive Cancer can hold your feelings quietly behind your own walls.

Crabs also have large pinching claws, and Cancer can hold onto things, especially from the past. Cancer are fiercely loyal and have a difficult time letting go. But Cancer are also quick to bring those you love inside the safety of your outer shell while you nurture them. Cancer love is protective, but unless tempered, can be smothering.

Cancer motto could be, "A good defense is the best offense." Like a Crab in its cave, your attack can consist of baiting your opponent into your territory. What appears to be a retreat to others can be your best aggressive tactic. As you feel your way through life, building your security by developing your home and family relationships, remember that unexpressed anger can turn into resentment and depression, so find someone you can trust and share your feelings.

Element: Water
Astrologically, the water element symbolizes emotion. Water runs deep; it seeks its own level and will flow until it has found it. The cycle of water is endless with the snows falling in the mountains and melting. The mountain streams join to make the great rivers that run to the sea. The tides and currents churn the oceans. Similarly, our feelings are flowing as they connect the present with past experiences. Sometimes the waters are so deep that we cannot put words to our feelings.

The water of Cancer is that of the changing tides. Regular rhythms that bring food and nurture the creatures who live there. But this is also about the water of a smoothly surfaced lake. No movement is apparent, yet beneath the surface there is movement, currents and much hidden activity.

Fourth House: Home and Family
The Fourth House is related to the mother. It is where we are nurtured, and takes in not only our real mother, but all those who nurture us -- especially early in life. This is the house of childhood surroundings. It is where we retreat from the noise of the outer world.

Key Planet: Moon
The Moon is always changing, not even the same two nights in a row. It races around the Earth once a "month," and as such we are familiar with her regularly repeating patterns. Women's menstrual cycles are naturally tied to the lunar rhythm, putting them in closer touch with the subconscious realms of the Moon. But to man and woman alike, the Moon is the key to our feelings and our emotional cycles. As the key planet of Cancer, the Moon symbolizes our basic needs -- how we need to be nurtured and how we nurture others.

Cancer Greatest Strength: Your ability to nurture others

Cancer Possible Weakness: Fear of the past repeating in the future


Cancer and Aries love compatibility
This combination is usually hard to match. The powerful sexual attraction is a usual thing for these two signs. A problem is that sexual attraction fades in the face of many temperamental differences. Aries leaps without looking; Cancer is cautious. Cancer loves hearth and home; Aries hates being tied down. Resentments build up and they argue over trifles. The discrepancy between their temperaments results in strengthening of incompatibility in bed. Astrological forecast for this couple is a stormy sea, and the marriage for certain will result in ship-wreck.

Friday, October 23, 2009

my take on the alleged hazing incident at prairie view a&m university

i have been following this story since it first broke in the early part of this week. when i posted the first new story, i was somewhat wheary about the entire situation. there were general quotes in the story, but i figured it was fishy since the official university spokesperson had not yet been notified. well using my acquired journalism skills i got to work asking questions. the university then went on to release statements regarding the investigation, so then it was made official that something must have gone terribly wrong. i cannot imagine how the family of this young brother might be feeling with the sudden lost of him. overnight i spoke with a few people about the issue, and it seem to me that people are more concerned about all membership intake activities being suspended indefinitely by president george c. wright. that is not where the focus should be. i spoke with a friend who is a member of the organization in question just to be supportive, know they are probably catching it from so many ends. this morning i watch a clip on abc13 from a interview with the victim's father, which really alarmed me.

according to the victims father his son was very scared, and terrified of members of this "sorority" yes he did say sorority, and out of respect for his late son he never reported anything, however, for those of us that are familiar with hazing, if you are a active participant, you are just as guilty as the people doing the hazing. i personally could not imagine going to my mother and being terrified about anything and her not taking the initiative as a parent to do something, it blows my mind, and i find it hard to believe that his son was so terrified of members of this organization he would tell his father, and his father would just sit back and let nothing be done.

another issue that i have with this story is the fact the victim was just taken to Cypress, and dropped off at the hospital. what does that say about those that were with him, no matter what the circumstances are when you are with someone, and they become ill, or whatever the case may be it's you responsibility to contact the proper officials, and give statements to aid in the treatment of the individual. personally when i was going through the membership education process for my organization we were there for each other, as were the big brothers.

there comes a time when you just have to be real, and the time is now, pvamu is known for greek life, it's a part of the rich tradition of the institution dating back to 1968 when then president alvin thomas established the national pan hellenic council, however it's not the reason praire view exist, and i think people often forget that. prairie view was established to produce successful african-american students in the state of texas, when the unknown 8 stepped onto the grounds of the alta vista plantation in waller county, letters, and colors didn't exist. change can be hard but it's often needed, i think over the past few years the administration of prairie view have done a wonderful job at turning the image of the school around and we not attract some of the worlds brightest students, i would hate for this isolated incident to cast a cloud over all the good pvamu stands for. i am saying a special prayer for the victim's family and firends, and a prayer for the organization in question, justice will prevail, for i believe.

related links

university official response to students death

houston abc 13 coverage
houston
chronicle story


khou coverage

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

19 years later, still healing.....

When I was 16 years old I asked my grandmother

"Granny, what was it like to have to bury a child (my daddy)?" she simply replied "it's a feeling I cannot describe, and it's a feeling I would not want another mother to experience. Your father was my oldest, he could know I needed something and he would just appear. My late grandmother had a way with words when it came to my father. To be honest she was one of the only people I could talk to about my father, she would give it to me real, and for that I am forever grateful! My father is a subject I bring up every now & then, but I have noticed over the past couple years making the transition from boyhood into manhood, has been especially difficult for me. I often wonder how my life would be had my dad been present the past 19 years. Had he not walked out the door early that October morning.

The morning started normal, I woke up in between he and my stepmother, which is where I slept when I visited them, I had recently been diagnosed with asthma, so I was not feeling too good early in the morning, so he went to get me some medicine. He came home gave me the medication, took a shower, and as we were sitting in the living room, he said "I'll be back later or I'll see y'all later" I remember asking daddy can I go, he replied we will do something later this evening. The morning went on pretty normal, until my grandfather came by and took my stepmom into her room, and all I heard was a scream saying "Mr. Gilbert no......." my brother and I ran to see what happened, and she said "Y'all's daddy is gone" I don't remember much about the week following I just remember it was very emotional. As I fast forward 19 years later, I am now 24 years old, and I look at how blessed I am. I had people come into my life, I had a father figure, I had god parents, who stepped in.

People that have not experienced it cannot possibly understand the loss of a parent, even in my case where I didn't know him or recall very many things. I think the hardest thing is have to rely on what other people have to say, you often deal with a lot of things, like people that make them out to be perfect just becasue they are deceased, or the people that just give it to you, and call out whatever issues they had. As the years passed people stopped visiting the grave it became harder, even myself. So many things go through my head when I think of my father, and my own legacy. I think that is where my want for my own children and family come from. I would want my children to have that relationship I didn't have.

With death also come people's true feelings and motives. When I think of ways I have been treated by family members it give me the drive to be independent, support those who support me, and know I have what many want. My mother has been there for me, and to have a strong parent to step up and raise a son is not easy, so I am indebted to her for the rest of my life as well as my older sister for being like a second mother as well.

So as this day comes every year it's getting a little better with time, I still opt not to work, and just be to myself for the most part.... Thanks to everyone who has help me through this situation!

Monday, August 24, 2009

the weekly gay educkation

i have so many people that ask questions about the gay life and the community lingo so i have decided to do little weekly teases. let me know what you think


Q: What does what's the T mean?

A term used by the early gay community circa 1970-1989 that indicated some one was the "T"alk of the "T"own, hence the "T". The term was often used by female impersonators to describe a fellow impersonator that did an exceptionally good job on stage in a live lip syncopated performance which was talked about in the gay circles for long periods of time. The term grew to define any memorable person who's actions were or would soon be largely talked about in the gay circles. Also a person who was popular in the gay community would be talked about may have been referred to as The "T"

Have a wonderful week, and be sure to keep up with my "T" this week!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

houston is home for now....


in my personal opinion the united states of america is one of the best places to live. yeah the politicians in d.c. have some silly agendas, and they are silly individuals at times, but i would not trade my citizenship for anything. as a young and vibrant 24 year old artistic man, i often find myself wanting more out of life. i have flirted with moving everywhere from nyc to atl, to dc, to los angeles. how i ended up in houston was actually by accident. i went to pvamu in 2002, and after my freshmen year, i was careless (another story) after working in my hometown for one summer i knew small town living was not a option, so i decided to truck it to the closest major city, which became the most humbling experience of my life. i would not trade the public transportation nightmares, countless hours in traffic, crazy dates, fights in target and wal mart, and best food of my life for anything. i chose to call houston home simply becasue i fit in, it's in my home state a short drive from home, and when my sister relocated back to suburban houston that put the icing on the cake. i love other cities, and i most likely will end up elsewhere (DALLAS), but for right now i am content with houston. i wish the shopping was just a little better, and the humidity would go away, but it's not such a bad city if you are trying to find your way! and i guess when you decide to buy or build a house you're kinda stuck for a few years at least right? lol

Monday, August 17, 2009

getting to know TEA!

some people have a problem with my blogging and constantly changing my status, but i decided a long time to live my life privately, but make things simple where people could understand a somewhat complex individual.

my life for the most part has been a work in progress forever. when you deal with as much as i have in my 24 years on this earth you tend to stop and analyze things more deeply. i will say over the past year i have learned more about myself and others. i believe life is something that must be lived, you take experiences, and lessons from others to build your own character, and become a person of poise, grace, and style. growing up i never looked up to many people or wanted to be like anyone. i was not into sports figures, but i understood the importance to education, and being cultured. on the sunny morning of october 13th my biological father walked out of the door and the last words he ever said was "I will be back later", i never saw him alive again. despite the fact that was almost 19 years ago, i find myself at age twenty four constantly reliving those moments along with many more from my childhood, and other times of my life. my sister told me one time that death and money can pretty much be the roots of all evil, she said they will make you see things and sides of people that you never even knew existed.

i grew up without much direction, but with many talents, i knew i wanted to be successful, but i was not really devoted to anything fully, i didn't date much, i was popular, but due to my nature i didn't let people get real close to me. i would say in my middle school years i started to learn how people really see you and feel about you. friendship were hard for me particularly because i was unhappy with myself. high school was terrible, but i made it, and decided i wanted more that what was being offered that is what lit the fire under me to go to college, develop bonds and relationships with people that would be a positive force in my life. college taught me so much about myself. i learned how to use my voice, i met friends that i am happy to have in my life, i met people that came from the best of families, i met people that has never lived in a home, all of these meeting made me become more thankful for what i had and even the things i didn't have.

I decided to be real about myself, and surround myself with positive people, and that was one of the best decisions i ever made. over the past 4 years i have met some of the most influential individuals one could meet. i surround myself with a network of people that share visions, and goals for themselves as well as society. from my spiritual leader, to people that i admire, i am truly blessed to have people in my life that care, and know i am a great person.

as i become that african-american man that i wish i had all my life to look up to, it's great to have the support of so many people. and i just wanted to say thanks for getting to know me. as many of you know i have been doing graphic design, and photography for a while now, i am taking that to levels unseen. i have also decided to play a more active roles in causes that are near and dear to my heart. i will be joining the fight against HIV-AIDS right here in our own communities in america, starting with a HBCU tour where I speak to young students about HIV, understanding how serious this is in our community, and how we as a generation need to step up to the plate to fight in this war. i will also be working with youth support groups at texas childrens hospital, and md anderson cancer center. if i have tagged you please know you have played a vital role in my life, and i cherish the relationship we have. look out for me!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Going to the Big Easy!

I have a deep affection for New Orleans. It is easily one of the nation's most distinctive cities -- a rich and charming cultural polyglot that refuses to succumb to the sterile sameness of the rest of the Sun Belt. The city is older than the nation.

On this hot and humid Houston day I sit here with so many thoughts running through my head. Those of you familiar with me and my posts should know, I rarely bite my tongue when it comes to my life. I have traveled more than most 70 year old people I know, but on the eve of my beloved fraternity's national convention in the Crescent City I am like a child waiting on Santa Christmas Eve.

My love for my fraternity dates back to 2003 when I first saw the brother in the lobby of my hotel during Houston Splash. It was the end of my freshman year at Prairie View A&M University. I considered other Divine 9 organizations, until I found it was one for me. I kept my mind on it, and finally became a member. I will say the past 21 months have been some of the best months of my life, thanks in part to my beloved fraternity.

It has taught me that some people have you best interest at heart while others just consider themselves. It's taught me the true multiple meanings of brotherhood. I have learned a lot about image, and a lot about people in general.

I found out our convention would be in New Orleans. New Orleans is one of my favorite cities in the WORLD. It has a special charm and unique feel, the city depends on tourism, so the people know how to treat you! The food is great, the drinks are even better! And with my brothers in town we are sure to shake the city up!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Barbershop Talk....

So I went to my new barbershop to get a fresh cut since I finally found a good barber in the Humble-Spring area. The choice of conversation in a black barber and or beauty shop is alway interesting. Well this particular time they chose to dicuss the dynamics of a a same sex male relationship. I was thinking, are they serious? No really, we are still fighting three wars, it was the day a African-American man was shot dead while he was just doing his job at the Holocust Musuem in DC, and we wanna talk about this ish? So here we go....One of the barbers said "gay dudes are not going anywhere so we need to deal with them as long as they cool, while making eye contact with me the entire time." Followed by a customer saying "Well I just don't understand how two men can live together like that, I mean when they are getting ready for work are they standing next to each other shaving?" Considering I tip my barber on average $10 a week he felt the need to intervene. He says' " I don't think it's much different from straight relationships, hell we have ur problems, they have theirs, they work, we work, it's just about daily survival in the fucked up work and economy." He then went on to say he has never felt threatened by a gay man because he knows he's happy with his wife, and they often welcome all types of friends to their home, and the importance of their children being educated about all walks of life. Another woman says well I just don't understand it, but should I because I am not a man, and I am not gay. He turn to me and says T-Money what do you have to say.....Talk about putting me on the spot huh...I then go into my spill....

"Well considering I have been a serious same-gender loving relationship for a few years (on&off) I can give you my personal thoughts. I had to agree with the other gentleman about us just living, it's not different. We have the same issues, and we deal with them. When we get ready for work in the morning we take turns since that seems to be what everyone wonders. It's not about being gay or straight, it's about being human. It's kinda fun because we can talk about things that straight couples might not, like sports, cars, and electronics. We support each other, and deal with whatever life throws us...."

The lady looks at me and says "so you're gay?"......DAMN

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Houston Splash Cookie LaCook

I found this, Cookie was a Houston Legend, and is missed in our community....

Friday, February 13, 2009

T.D. Jakes' Son Arrested for and Charged with Sex Crime

** Another case of a PK gone wild... Okay for those of us from Texas we have always heard that T.D. Jakes son or son(s) were gay, but now the proof is in the pudding....

Author: David Townsend

According to Dallas police, Jermaine Jakes, 29, the son of the pastor of the Potter's House, was accused of exposing himself in front of an undercover vice detective at a city park in Oak Cliff.

Here's the story. It includes a link to the police report, which includes some pretty straightforward language.

It's not clear why this encounter, which took place on the night of Jan. 3, is only coming to light now.

No statement yet, at least not that I'm aware of, from Bishop Jakes.

Jermaine Jakes' lawyer essentially had no comment.

"We are aware of potential allegations involving Jermaine Jakes and are undertaking our own investigation of these allegations at this time," she said. "Given an apparent government investigation, we have no further comment at this time."

SECOND REPORT

The son of Bishop T.D. Jakes, pastor of the Potter's House, faces a charge of indecent exposure related to an incident in a southern Dallas park last month, Dallas police said.

Jermaine Jakes, 29, is accused of exposing himself in front of an undercover Dallas police vice detective at Kiest Park, near West Kiest Boulevard and South Hampton Road, on the night of Jan. 3, police said.

He was detained at the scene and released.

T.D. Jakes is the founder of the Potter's House, a 30,000-member congregation in the Mountain Creek area.

Faith Johnson, Jermaine Jakes' attorney, said in a written statement Wednesday evening: "We are aware of potential allegations involving Jermaine Jakes and are undertaking our own investigation of these allegations at this time. Given an apparent government investigation, we have no further comment at this time."

Ruben Limón, park coordinator, said today the park closes at 10 p.m. each night and is usually monitored overnight by Dallas police officers.

He said he was surprised to hear that a son of T.D. Jakes was involved in the incident.

"I wonder how that's going to affect the church," he said. "I doubt it'll affect us because the park isn't known for that sort of thing."

Monday, November 24, 2008

introducing TRADEMARK FOTOGRAPHY....

everyone that know me knows i ALWAYS have a camera. i have always loved photography, and i have tried to be unique as i could with photos. i have had a point and shoot for over 10 years now, and i always knew i needed a digital slr, but never took the timeto properly research them. about three weeks ago i bought my first digital slr cannon rebel, and i am in love (ed no pun intended). i am still learning about lighting, and lens, but i am getting the hang of things i have added a few of my photos to show you some of my work...i hope you enjoy!!!

*special thanks to Kanesha & Marlon Waites (My first couple shoot), Steven Currie (my first shoot), and my frat brother melvin and marcus...

- My fellow photographers tell me what you think also...

Monday, October 06, 2008

the arms of the one who STILL loves me....

love should not be in websters, at least in my opinion. love is such a complex theory if you think about it.... it's a gamble, it can be your best friend, worst ememy, it's an addiction some want, some need, some hate, but to know you are loved, and to love someone words cannot express the feeling. i have fallen in and out of love, however i have said for the past two years if you truly love someone you will never turn it off. i love the love of my life two years ago in 2006. i had a bitter and hard break up tht honestly it took me two years to get over. i tired love again, and again, i tried just "talking" to people, not letting feelings get involed and all that, but that was just not for me. i explored almost everything, however despite everything i never stopped loving one.... i am not going to go into great detail, but i will say after a while GOD makes a way for real love to find you.... i have the love of my life back, and after expressing my feelings, and letting that person know exactly how i felt everything came back... when someone loves you they understand you, they accept you no matter what, and they understand if it's meant to be it will be....we have decided to take it one day at a time, but it will work this time....faith has proven itself....pray for us and strength.....

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Drum Major Instinct


One of my fav. sermons, please enjoy....



This morning I would like to use as a subject from which to preach: "The Drum Major Instinct." "The Drum Major Instinct." And our text for the morning is taken from a very familiar passage in the tenth chapter as recorded by Saint Mark. Beginning with the thirty-fifth verse of that chapter, we read these words: "And James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came unto him saying, ‘Master, we would that thou shouldest do for us whatsoever we shall desire.’ And he said unto them, ‘What would ye that I should do for you?’ And they said unto him, ‘Grant unto us that we may sit, one on thy right hand, and the other on thy left hand, in thy glory.’ But Jesus said unto them, ‘Ye know not what ye ask: Can ye drink of the cup that I drink of? and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?’ And they said unto him, ‘We can.’ And Jesus said unto them, ‘Ye shall indeed drink of the cup that I drink of, and with the baptism that I am baptized withal shall ye be baptized: but to sit on my right hand and on my left hand is not mine to give; but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared.’" And then Jesus goes on toward the end of that passage to say, "But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your servant: and whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all."

The setting is clear. James and John are making a specific request of the master. They had dreamed, as most of the Hebrews dreamed, of a coming king of Israel who would set Jerusalem free and establish his kingdom on Mount Zion, and in righteousness rule the world. And they thought of Jesus as this kind of king. And they were thinking of that day when Jesus would reign supreme as this new king of Israel. And they were saying, "Now when you establish your kingdom, let one of us sit on the right hand and the other on the left hand of your throne."

Now very quickly, we would automatically condemn James and John, and we would say they were selfish. Why would they make such a selfish request? But before we condemn them too quickly, let us look calmly and honestly at ourselves, and we will discover that we too have those same basic desires for recognition, for importance. That same desire for attention, that same desire to be first. Of course, the other disciples got mad with James and John, and you could understand why, but we must understand that we have some of the same James and John qualities. And there is deep down within all of us an instinct. It's a kind of drum major instinct—a desire to be out front, a desire to lead the parade, a desire to be first. And it is something that runs the whole gamut of life.

And so before we condemn them, let us see that we all have the drum major instinct. We all want to be important, to surpass others, to achieve distinction, to lead the parade. Alfred Adler, the great psychoanalyst, contends that this is the dominant impulse. Sigmund Freud used to contend that sex was the dominant impulse, and Adler came with a new argument saying that this quest for recognition, this desire for attention, this desire for distinction is the basic impulse, the basic drive of human life, this drum major instinct.

And you know, we begin early to ask life to put us first. Our first cry as a baby was a bid for attention. And all through childhood the drum major impulse or instinct is a major obsession. Children ask life to grant them first place. They are a little bundle of ego. And they have innately the drum major impulse or the drum major instinct.

Now in adult life, we still have it, and we really never get by it. We like to do something good. And you know, we like to be praised for it. Now if you don't believe that, you just go on living life, and you will discover very soon that you like to be praised. Everybody likes it, as a matter of fact. And somehow this warm glow we feel when we are praised or when our name is in print is something of the vitamin A to our ego. Nobody is unhappy when they are praised, even if they know they don't deserve it and even if they don't believe it. The only unhappy people about praise is when that praise is going too much toward somebody else. (That’s right) But everybody likes to be praised because of this real drum major instinct.

Now the presence of the drum major instinct is why so many people are "joiners." You know, there are some people who just join everything. And it's really a quest for attention and recognition and importance. And they get names that give them that impression. So you get your groups, and they become the "Grand Patron," and the little fellow who is henpecked at home needs a chance to be the "Most Worthy of the Most Worthy" of something. It is the drum major impulse and longing that runs the gamut of human life. And so we see it everywhere, this quest for recognition. And we join things, overjoin really, that we think that we will find that recognition in.

Now the presence of this instinct explains why we are so often taken by advertisers. You know, those gentlemen of massive verbal persuasion. And they have a way of saying things to you that kind of gets you into buying. In order to be a man of distinction, you must drink this whiskey. In order to make your neighbors envious, you must drive this type of car. (Make it plain) In order to be lovely to love you must wear this kind of lipstick or this kind of perfume. And you know, before you know it, you're just buying that stuff. (Yes) That's the way the advertisers do it.

I got a letter the other day, and it was a new magazine coming out. And it opened up, "Dear Dr. King: As you know, you are on many mailing lists. And you are categorized as highly intelligent, progressive, a lover of the arts and the sciences, and I know you will want to read what I have to say." Of course I did. After you said all of that and explained me so exactly, of course I wanted to read it. [laughter]

But very seriously, it goes through life; the drum major instinct is real. (Yes) And you know what else it causes to happen? It often causes us to live above our means. (Make it plain) It's nothing but the drum major instinct. Do you ever see people buy cars that they can't even begin to buy in terms of their income? (Amen) [laughter] You've seen people riding around in Cadillacs and Chryslers who don't earn enough to have a good T-Model Ford. (Make it plain) But it feeds a repressed ego.

You know, economists tell us that your automobile should not cost more than half of your annual income. So if you make an income of five thousand dollars, your car shouldn't cost more than about twenty-five hundred. That's just good economics. And if it's a family of two, and both members of the family make ten thousand dollars, they would have to make out with one car. That would be good economics, although it's often inconvenient. But so often, haven't you seen people making five thousand dollars a year and driving a car that costs six thousand? And they wonder why their ends never meet. [laughter] That's a fact.

Now the economists also say that your house shouldn't cost—if you're buying a house, it shouldn't cost more than twice your income. That's based on the economy and how you would make ends meet. So, if you have an income of five thousand dollars, it's kind of difficult in this society. But say it's a family with an income of ten thousand dollars, the house shouldn't cost much more than twenty thousand. Well, I've seen folk making ten thousand dollars, living in a forty- and fifty-thousand-dollar house. And you know they just barely make it. They get a check every month somewhere, and they owe all of that out before it comes in. Never have anything to put away for rainy days.

But now the problem is, it is the drum major instinct. And you know, you see people over and over again with the drum major instinct taking them over. And they just live their lives trying to outdo the Joneses. (Amen) They got to get this coat because this particular coat is a little better and a little better-looking than Mary's coat. And I got to drive this car because it's something about this car that makes my car a little better than my neighbor's car. (Amen) I know a man who used to live in a thirty-five-thousand-dollar house. And other people started building thirty-five-thousand-dollar houses, so he built a seventy-five-thousand-dollar house. And then somebody else built a seventy-five-thousand-dollar house, and he built a hundred-thousand-dollar house. And I don't know where he's going to end up if he's going to live his life trying to keep up with the Joneses.

There comes a time that the drum major instinct can become destructive. (Make it plain) And that's where I want to move now. I want to move to the point of saying that if this instinct is not harnessed, it becomes a very dangerous, pernicious instinct. For instance, if it isn’t harnessed, it causes one's personality to become distorted. I guess that's the most damaging aspect of it: what it does to the personality. If it isn't harnessed, you will end up day in and day out trying to deal with your ego problem by boasting. Have you ever heard people that—you know, and I'm sure you've met them—that really become sickening because they just sit up all the time talking about themselves. (Amen) And they just boast and boast and boast, and that's the person who has not harnessed the drum major instinct.

And then it does other things to the personality. It causes you to lie about who you know sometimes. (Amen, Make it plain) There are some people who are influence peddlers. And in their attempt to deal with the drum major instinct, they have to try to identify with the so-called big-name people. (Yeah, Make it plain) And if you're not careful, they will make you think they know somebody that they don't really know. (Amen) They know them well, they sip tea with them, and they this-and-that. That happens to people.

And the other thing is that it causes one to engage ultimately in activities that are merely used to get attention. Criminologists tell us that some people are driven to crime because of this drum major instinct. They don't feel that they are getting enough attention through the normal channels of social behavior, and so they turn to anti-social behavior in order to get attention, in order to feel important. (Yeah) And so they get that gun, and before they know it they robbed a bank in a quest for recognition, in a quest for importance.

And then the final great tragedy of the distorted personality is the fact that when one fails to harness this instinct, (Glory to God) he ends up trying to push others down in order to push himself up. (Amen) And whenever you do that, you engage in some of the most vicious activities. You will spread evil, vicious, lying gossip on people, because you are trying to pull them down in order to push yourself up. (Make it plain) And the great issue of life is to harness the drum major instinct.

Now the other problem is, when you don't harness the drum major instinct—this uncontrolled aspect of it—is that it leads to snobbish exclusivism. It leads to snobbish exclusivism. (Make it plain) And you know, this is the danger of social clubs and fraternities—I'm in a fraternity; I'm in two or three—for sororities and all of these, I'm not talking against them. I'm saying it's the danger. The danger is that they can become forces of classism and exclusivism where somehow you get a degree of satisfaction because you are in something exclusive. And that's fulfilling something, you know—that I'm in this fraternity, and it's the best fraternity in the world, and everybody can't get in this fraternity. So it ends up, you know, a very exclusive kind of thing.

And you know, that can happen with the church; I know churches get in that bind sometimes. (Amen, Make it plain) I've been to churches, you know, and they say, "We have so many doctors, and so many school teachers, and so many lawyers, and so many businessmen in our church." And that's fine, because doctors need to go to church, and lawyers, and businessmen, teachers—they ought to be in church. But they say that—even the preacher sometimes will go all through that—they say that as if the other people don't count. (Amen)

And the church is the one place where a doctor ought to forget that he's a doctor. The church is the one place where a Ph.D. ought to forget that he's a Ph.D. (Yes) The church is the one place that the school teacher ought to forget the degree she has behind her name. The church is the one place where the lawyer ought to forget that he's a lawyer. And any church that violates the "whosoever will, let him come" doctrine is a dead, cold church, (Yes) and nothing but a little social club with a thin veneer of religiosity.

When the church is true to its nature, (Whoo) it says, "Whosoever will, let him come." (Yes) And it does not supposed to satisfy the perverted uses of the drum major instinct. It's the one place where everybody should be the same, standing before a common master and savior. (Yes, sir) And a recognition grows out of this—that all men are brothers because they are children (Yes) of a common father.

The drum major instinct can lead to exclusivism in one's thinking and can lead one to feel that because he has some training, he's a little better than that person who doesn't have it. Or because he has some economic security, that he's a little better than that person who doesn't have it. And that's the uncontrolled, perverted use of the drum major instinct.

Now the other thing is, that it leads to tragic—and we've seen it happen so often—tragic race prejudice. Many who have written about this problem—Lillian Smith used to say it beautifully in some of her books. And she would say it to the point of getting men and women to see the source of the problem. Do you know that a lot of the race problem grows out of the drum major instinct? A need that some people have to feel superior. A need that some people have to feel that they are first, and to feel that their white skin ordained them to be first. (Make it plain, today, ‘cause I’m against it, so help me God) And they have said over and over again in ways that we see with our own eyes. In fact, not too long ago, a man down in Mississippi said that God was a charter member of the White Citizens Council. And so God being the charter member means that everybody who's in that has a kind of divinity, a kind of superiority. And think of what has happened in history as a result of this perverted use of the drum major instinct. It has led to the most tragic prejudice, the most tragic expressions of man's inhumanity to man.

The other day I was saying, I always try to do a little converting when I'm in jail. And when we were in jail in Birmingham the other day, the white wardens and all enjoyed coming around the cell to talk about the race problem. And they were showing us where we were so wrong demonstrating. And they were showing us where segregation was so right. And they were showing us where intermarriage was so wrong. So I would get to preaching, and we would get to talking—calmly, because they wanted to talk about it. And then we got down one day to the point—that was the second or third day—to talk about where they lived, and how much they were earning. And when those brothers told me what they were earning, I said, "Now, you know what? You ought to be marching with us. [laughter] You're just as poor as Negroes." And I said, "You are put in the position of supporting your oppressor, because through prejudice and blindness, you fail to see that the same forces that oppress Negroes in American society oppress poor white people. (Yes) And all you are living on is the satisfaction of your skin being white, and the drum major instinct of thinking that you are somebody big because you are white. And you're so poor you can't send your children to school. You ought to be out here marching with every one of us every time we have a march."

Now that's a fact. That the poor white has been put into this position, where through blindness and prejudice, (Make it plain) he is forced to support his oppressors. And the only thing he has going for him is the false feeling that he’s superior because his skin is white—and can't hardly eat and make his ends meet week in and week out. (Amen)

And not only does this thing go into the racial struggle, it goes into the struggle between nations. And I would submit to you this morning that what is wrong in the world today is that the nations of the world are engaged in a bitter, colossal contest for supremacy. And if something doesn't happen to stop this trend, I'm sorely afraid that we won't be here to talk about Jesus Christ and about God and about brotherhood too many more years. (Yeah) If somebody doesn't bring an end to this suicidal thrust that we see in the world today, none of us are going to be around, because somebody's going to make the mistake through our senseless blunderings of dropping a nuclear bomb somewhere. And then another one is going to drop. And don't let anybody fool you, this can happen within a matter of seconds. (Amen) They have twenty-megaton bombs in Russia right now that can destroy a city as big as New York in three seconds, with everybody wiped away, and every building. And we can do the same thing to Russia and China.

But this is why we are drifting. And we are drifting there because nations are caught up with the drum major instinct. "I must be first." "I must be supreme." "Our nation must rule the world." (Preach it) And I am sad to say that the nation in which we live is the supreme culprit. And I'm going to continue to say it to America, because I love this country too much to see the drift that it has taken.

God didn't call America to do what she's doing in the world now. (Preach it, preach it) God didn't call America to engage in a senseless, unjust war as the war in Vietnam. And we are criminals in that war. We’ve committed more war crimes almost than any nation in the world, and I'm going to continue to say it. And we won't stop it because of our pride and our arrogance as a nation.

But God has a way of even putting nations in their place. (Amen) The God that I worship has a way of saying, "Don't play with me." (Yes) He has a way of saying, as the God of the Old Testament used to say to the Hebrews, "Don’t play with me, Israel. Don't play with me, Babylon. (Yes) Be still and know that I'm God. And if you don't stop your reckless course, I'll rise up and break the backbone of your power." (Yes) And that can happen to America. (Yes) Every now and then I go back and read Gibbons' Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. And when I come and look at America, I say to myself, the parallels are frightening. And we have perverted the drum major instinct.

But let me rush on to my conclusion, because I want you to see what Jesus was really saying. What was the answer that Jesus gave these men? It's very interesting. One would have thought that Jesus would have condemned them. One would have thought that Jesus would have said, "You are out of your place. You are selfish. Why would you raise such a question?"

But that isn't what Jesus did; he did something altogether different. He said in substance, "Oh, I see, you want to be first. You want to be great. You want to be important. You want to be significant. Well, you ought to be. If you're going to be my disciple, you must be." But he reordered priorities. And he said, "Yes, don't give up this instinct. It's a good instinct if you use it right. (Yes) It's a good instinct if you don't distort it and pervert it. Don't give it up. Keep feeling the need for being important. Keep feeling the need for being first. But I want you to be first in love. (Amen) I want you to be first in moral excellence. I want you to be first in generosity. That is what I want you to do."

And he transformed the situation by giving a new definition of greatness. And you know how he said it? He said, "Now brethren, I can't give you greatness. And really, I can't make you first." This is what Jesus said to James and John. "You must earn it. True greatness comes not by favoritism, but by fitness. And the right hand and the left are not mine to give, they belong to those who are prepared." (Amen)

And so Jesus gave us a new norm of greatness. If you want to be important—wonderful. If you want to be recognized—wonderful. If you want to be great—wonderful. But recognize that he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. (Amen) That's a new definition of greatness.

And this morning, the thing that I like about it: by giving that definition of greatness, it means that everybody can be great, (Everybody) because everybody can serve. (Amen) You don't have to have a college degree to serve. (All right) You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. You don't have to know about Plato and Aristotle to serve. You don't have to know Einstein's theory of relativity to serve. You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. (Amen) You only need a heart full of grace, (Yes, sir, Amen) a soul generated by love. (Yes) And you can be that servant.

I know a man—and I just want to talk about him a minute, and maybe you will discover who I'm talking about as I go down the way (Yeah) because he was a great one. And he just went about serving. He was born in an obscure village, (Yes, sir) the child of a poor peasant woman. And then he grew up in still another obscure village, where he worked as a carpenter until he was thirty years old. (Amen) Then for three years, he just got on his feet, and he was an itinerant preacher. And he went about doing some things. He didn't have much. He never wrote a book. He never held an office. He never had a family. (Yes) He never owned a house. He never went to college. He never visited a big city. He never went two hundred miles from where he was born. He did none of the usual things that the world would associate with greatness. He had no credentials but himself.

He was only thirty-three when the tide of public opinion turned against him. They called him a rabble-rouser. They called him a troublemaker. They said he was an agitator. (Glory to God) He practiced civil disobedience; he broke injunctions. And so he was turned over to his enemies and went through the mockery of a trial. And the irony of it all is that his friends turned him over to them. (Amen) One of his closest friends denied him. Another of his friends turned him over to his enemies. And while he was dying, the people who killed him gambled for his clothing, the only possession that he had in the world. (Lord help him) When he was dead he was buried in a borrowed tomb, through the pity of a friend.

Nineteen centuries have come and gone and today he stands as the most influential figure that ever entered human history. All of the armies that ever marched, all the navies that ever sailed, all the parliaments that ever sat, and all the kings that ever reigned put together (Yes) have not affected the life of man on this earth (Amen) as much as that one solitary life. His name may be a familiar one. (Jesus) But today I can hear them talking about him. Every now and then somebody says, "He's King of Kings." (Yes) And again I can hear somebody saying, "He's Lord of Lords." Somewhere else I can hear somebody saying, "In Christ there is no East nor West." (Yes) And then they go on and talk about, "In Him there's no North and South, but one great Fellowship of Love throughout the whole wide world." He didn't have anything. (Amen) He just went around serving and doing good.

This morning, you can be on his right hand and his left hand if you serve. (Amen) It's the only way in.

Every now and then I guess we all think realistically (Yes, sir) about that day when we will be victimized with what is life's final common denominator—that something that we call death. We all think about it. And every now and then I think about my own death and I think about my own funeral. And I don't think of it in a morbid sense. And every now and then I ask myself, "What is it that I would want said?" And I leave the word to you this morning.

If any of you are around when I have to meet my day, I don’t want a long funeral. And if you get somebody to deliver the eulogy, tell them not to talk too long. (Yes) And every now and then I wonder what I want them to say. Tell them not to mention that I have a Nobel Peace Prize—that isn’t important. Tell them not to mention that I have three or four hundred other awards—that’s not important. Tell them not to mention where I went to school. (Yes)

I'd like somebody to mention that day that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to give his life serving others. (Yes)

I'd like for somebody to say that day that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to love somebody.

I want you to say that day that I tried to be right on the war question. (Amen)

I want you to be able to say that day that I did try to feed the hungry. (Yes)

And I want you to be able to say that day that I did try in my life to clothe those who were naked. (Yes)

I want you to say on that day that I did try in my life to visit those who were in prison. (Lord)

I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity. (Yes)

Yes, if you want to say that I was a drum major, say that I was a drum major for justice. (Amen) Say that I was a drum major for peace. (Yes) I was a drum major for righteousness. And all of the other shallow things will not matter. (Yes) I won't have any money to leave behind. I won't have the fine and luxurious things of life to leave behind. But I just want to leave a committed life behind. (Amen) And that's all I want to say.

If I can help somebody as I pass along,

If I can cheer somebody with a word or song,

If I can show somebody he's traveling wrong,

Then my living will not be in vain.

If I can do my duty as a Christian ought,

If I can bring salvation to a world once wrought,

If I can spread the message as the master taught,

Then my living will not be in vain.


Yes, Jesus, I want to be on your right or your left side, (Yes) not for any selfish reason. I want to be on your right or your left side, not in terms of some political kingdom or ambition. But I just want to be there in love and in justice and in truth and in commitment to others, so that we can make of this old world a new world.





Delivered at Ebenezer Baptist Church, Atlanta, Georgia, on 4 February 1968.