Black and LGBT in the Black Church

Straight and gay pastors weigh in on the polarizing isssue

by Tomika Anderson

Kenyon Farrow says he was 10 years old when he learned that being openly gay was a liability. As a member of his uncle’s church in Cleveland, he says he remembers when the congregation’s openly gay choir director and his male partner would bring food for the church potluck, folks would whisper about which dish it was so nobody would eat it and “catch AIDS.”

“This was when the AIDS epidemic was first gaining notoriety,” says Farrow, referring to the early 1980s. “Since HIV/AIDS was automatically linked to homosexuality back then, you’d hear a lot of the fire-and-brimstone-type speeches, about how being gay was an abomination and a sin. If you were gay, you pretty much learned to keep quiet.”

Unfortunately, says the former Executive Director ofQueers for Economic Justice and Policy Institute Fellow with the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force, not much has changed since then. He says that while nowadays Christian LGBTQs (Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual, Transgender or Queer) in large cities can opt to attend queer-friendly churches, those living in small towns or in the south must either worship at home or quietly attend predominantly heterosexual ones, at the risk of being found out. “[Gospel superstar] Donnie McClurkinwas at a youth revival at this mega church in Memphis in 2009  where he was calling out ‘all the sissies,’” recalls Farrow. “He said, ‘I’m not here to save a whole bunch of sissies this weekend,’ demanding that they come out and down to the front as part of this whole public shaming. Now, is that sort of thing fair? Absolutely not,” says Farrow. “But it definitely happens.”

Formerly closeted pastor Joseph Tolton, who formed his own Pentecostal ministry six years ago, the Rehoboth Temple Christ Conscious Church in Harlem, can speak to that type of humiliation from personal experience. “I used to attend the New Life Tabernacle Church in Brooklyn,” he says, “and my best friend at the time—who I hadn’t told I was gay—was about to get married. He asked me to be his best man,” Tolton shares. “I felt like I needed to come out to him and his fiancée before I did that…but when I told them, they asked me not to be in their wedding. I knew then that I had to go,” he says.

Rigid attitudes around homosexuality in the church, mosque and in communities of color overall may explain the fervor that surrounded embattled Georgia pastor Eddie Long. After years of publicly denouncing homosexuality—even going so far as to lead a special ministry for gays and lesbians in order to convert them into heterosexuals—Bishop Long was sued last year by four young men who alleged he used his pastoral influence to coerce them into a sexual relationship with him. A national uproar ensued as he scurried to settle with them out of court. Some argue that had it been women Long had the affairs with, he might have gotten a slap on the wrist. But because his dalliances allegedly involved (underage) men, his feet were put to the proverbial fire.

New York City-based trauma expert and wellness coach Dara Williams says it is the fear of public condemnation that keeps folks—in and outside of the church—from being honest about who they are when it comes to their sexuality. “The black community is very conservative about most sex-related issues,” she says, “and homosexuality is one of them. Sexuality in our community is generally oppressed or not discussed, and we can see through our [collective] rate of HIV infection that this kind of secrecy is literally killing us.”

Williams, who has held a private practice for 25 years, says that what her LGBTQ clients want mostly from the Black church is to be received into a welcoming and safe space—without having to be on the “down-low.” “Hiding [your true self] can cause one to suffer from depression, anxiety, anger and sadness,” she says. “It is not a healthy or self-empowering way to live your life, let alone worship.”

Reverend Mozell Albright of the United House of Strength in Brooklyn feels gays should be welcomed in church, but mainly because “they are spiritually sick” and must come to be “healed.”  “In Leviticus 20 and 13 it says man shall not lie with another man,” she says. “It also says anyone who does this shall be put to death. They can push for all these [new laws] permitting gay marriage and other rights all they want. God’s word still stands.”

Reverend Albright is not alone. The National Black Church Initiative, described as a faith-based coalition of 34,000 churches that includes 15 denominations and 15.7 African-Americans, says it is committed to “protecting the biblical definition of marriage.” If elected officials in NY move forward with the recently passed legislation supporting gay marriage, the group vows to mobilize their congregations against any of those lawmakers. “…The recent passage of the same sex marriage bill was not only unjust, but unholy,” said Rev. Anthony Evans, President of the NBCI, in a recent press release. “What Governor Cuomo and the state Assembly did was to unleash the full power of the black church against them.”

Farrow calls that attitude hypocritical. “If all sins are created equal, why is [homosexuality]—and not adultery and premarital sex, which are obviously happening inside the church—damned to hell?” he asks. “It’s only a problem when people feel uncomfortable,” he says. “As long as gay folks are singing and dancing for [a straight audience] they are tolerated, but the moment they bring their partner to service or wear too much eye makeup, the whispering starts,” says Farrow.

And while the recent passage of gay-right initiatives like same-sex marriage in various states and countries may do nothing to change the mindsets of pastors like Rev. Albright, Farrow says they go a long way to empower gay people who have long been oppressed.

“The day of reckoning is coming for people in conservative Black Christian churches that want to consistently harass and judge people,” he says. “Folks aren’t going for it anymore. The role the black church had in the community years ago isn’t what it used to be—half the black community doesn’t even go to church, and there’s a reason for that. That ‘holier than thou’ attitude isn’t about anything else than controlling people’s behavior. And folks who continue to hang on to it are calling for their own irrelevance and demise.”

For more on Black LGBTQs, visit blackenterprise.com/blacklgbt. To read about the trails and triumphs of being black and gay in corporate America, pick up the July 2011 issue of Black Enterprise magazine, on stands now.

Gay men’s ‘frat’ offers alternative- If You Are A Delta Man STAND UP!

For those rejected by traditional fraternities, DPhiU provides true brotherhood

Delta Phi Upsilon National Membership Chairman Adrian Homer, left, and members Jarod Moore and Timothy Jackson at the DPhiU national conference in Miami, Fla. last week. — SUBMITTED BY DARRYL WILSON, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF DPHIU

Fraternities and sororities put much emphasis on their ideals of community service, sisterhood and brotherhood. So when Anthony Fluellen, a Lincoln University graduate, wanted to join a fraternity, he was confident that his morals matched those of the fraternity he was interested in.

“I just knew if not anybody else, I knew that I would make that line for my qualifications alone and my social spirit,” he said. Fluellen was an A and B student, a student ambassador, the 2009–2010 Mr. Lincoln University, and president and founder of the Gay Straight Alliance at Lincoln. But Fluellen’s confidence only got him as far as an interview.

“I deeply believe that because of my sexual preference, I was denied not once, not twice, but three times,” said the 22-year-old. Fluellen continued to search for an organization that would give him that fraternal bond he wanted and would accept every aspect of him.

Two months ago, Fluellen officially became a member of Delta Phi Upsilon (DPhiU) Fraternity, Inc., the first international fraternity for gay men.

Fluellen’s story is very much like other members of DPhiU who say they were rejected based on their sexuality.

“I did everything I was supposed to do. I made the connections. I went to an interest meeting,” said David Butler Jr., who was actively involved at Towson University. “I thought if they wanted anybody to be a member, it would be me.”

Butler was upset when he then got a Facebook message saying the organization’s members would not want him to represent them on campus.

“The reality was I was an openly gay man,” said Butler, who is the North Atlantic regional director for DPhiU.

Butler said that the man who sent him the Facebook message is gay himself, but assimilated to be in the fraternity.

“The issue that we are facing in Black communities between gay men and heterosexual men has to do with notions of hegemonic masculinity to which many heterosexist institutions such as fraternities ascribe,” said Lee Carson, president of the Black Gay Men’s Leadership Council. “The reality is there are lots of gay men in mainstream fraternities, but the homophobic nature of most frats keeps these men closeted.”

Both Butler and Fluellen blame ignorance in the Black community about homosexuality as the underlining cause of the discrimination they faced in Greek life.

“This is not a Divine Nine thing, it’s a community thing,” said Butler about the nine national Black fraternities and sororities. “The Black community created the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy.”

“Black folks are seriously behind the times when it comes to LGBT acceptance and understanding,” wrote Chris Alston, president of Philadelphia Black Gay Pride, in an email. “We need to tear down that wall currently surrounding some of the ignorance in the African-American community. … Unfortunately we have a long, tedious task ahead of us to get this city where we need to be concerning the LGBT communities of color.”

Fluellen is the second member to join DPhiU in the Philadelphia area. George Banks joined in November 2010 and is helping to develop community service projects, and a chapter in Philadelphia.

“Philadelphia has a huge population of gay men of color. I think it’s extremely important to have our organization here so we can continue to be positive role models for gay men of color,” said Banks.

The organization is not currently affiliated with any universities, but has regional divisions throughout the country. The North Atlantic region has 37 active members.

“Young men are coming out earlier these days, and they don’t have any positive role models to support them,” said Kendrick Clack, president of DPhiU.

The organization’s five principles are brotherhood, friendship, loyalty, justice and temperance.

There currently are no straight men in DPhiU, but Clack said the organization would accept straight men. In the North Atlantic, prospective members must have at least college or technical training to join. For more information on the organization, visit dphiu.org.

Representatives from Alpha Phi Alpha and Kappa Alpha Psi said their organizations do not allow or encourage member discrimination based on sexual preference. Representatives from Omega Psi Phi, Phi Beta Sigma and Iota Phi Theta could not be reached for comment.

DeSoto school board doesn’t decide fate of new superintendent

By MARK NORRIS

Published 25 July 2011 07:58 AM

Related items

Superintendent Kathy Augustine has been on paid leave since July 11, her first day on the job.

Photo: John F. Rhodes / Staff Photographer

• DeSoto ISD superintendent placed on leave
• Acting superintendent unsure how long term will be
• Editorial: DeSoto needs to re-evaluate new superintendent

By MARK NORRIS

Staff Writer

mnorris@dallasnews.com

The DeSoto ISD school board’s meeting melted down Monday night as trustees adjourned with no decision on the fate of superintendent Kathy Augustine.

Trustees left a closed-door meeting abruptly after about two hours, as board president Warren Seay announced they would table the issue of Augustine’s employment until the next board meeting, scheduled for Aug. 8.

The board room, filled with parents and community members, became chaotic as trustees quickly left with no explanation.

Only four of seven trustees — barely a quorum — were present at Monday night’s regularly scheduled meeting. Van Stripling, Curt Krohn and Aubrey Hooper were absent.

“It is important that the full board, all seven members, participate in the discussion and make the best decision for DeSoto school children,” Seay said in a written statement issued Tuesday morning.

Augustine has been on paid leave since July 11, her first day as DeSoto superintendent, after a report detailing a yearlong investigation found pervasive cheating in Atlanta schools while she served as that district’s second-in-command.

Augustine, who did not attend Monday’s meeting, has said she played no role in the cheating scandal and was upset other educators altered students’ answers.

Longtime DeSoto administrator Levatta Levels has taken her place as acting superintendent.

Sandra Wheeler, the only trustee to speak to reporters after the meeting and a critic of Augustine’s hiring, hinted that poor attendance prevented a decision.

Wheeler said she hadn’t known that so many other board members wouldn’t attend Monday.

“This is such an important decision that our entire board should be present to express their opinion on the direction we take on the matter,” she said.

Wheeler also said “you have to have four” when asked why a decision on a potential voluntary exit agreement wasn’t able to be made.

Seay declined to answer questions about the confusing end to the meeting or whether a board member had left during the closed-door session.

Community members who had waited almost four hours for a decision were left confused and stunned by the board’s inaction.

“We want to take this issue off the front page and focus on the kids,” DeSoto ISD parent Jeff Sherels said. “This is not cool to sit here for a couple of hours and we learn we’re no better off than when this started.”

DeSoto resident Kenneth Marmon was blunt.

“I think other communities will laugh at us,” he said. “I’m very disappointed.”

Before trustees went behind closed doors to consider a decision on a voluntary exit agreement with Augustine, they heard from upset community members.

“We’re facing public scrutiny,” said Cecil Lofton, a critic of the board’s decision to hire Augustine. “We’re spending tax dollars on a superintendent who isn’t here.”

But DeSoto resident Kim Fatica said nothing Augustine has been accused of rises to the level of criminal wrongdoing.

“She has been met with nothing but slurs,” Fatica said.

Georgia’s investigation, ordered last year by Gov. Sonny Perdue, found that 178 educators were involved in the cheating and that some changed students’ answers on state tests to improve their scores.

Since then, numerous Atlanta administrators and school officials have resigned.

Georgia investigators said that Augustine authorized a letter to state officials falsely claiming no evidence of cheating existed at one school and that she illegally kept a report from Atlanta media that suggested cheating took place at some schools.

Staff writer Matthew Haag contributed to this report.

greaT read: NFL Hall of famer Michael Irvin talks for the first time about his gay brother and explains why he’s on a pro-gay mission from God.

** This was a awesome story! Kudos to Cyd and Michael Irvin for this, it's something that needed to be read, and said. I am one of the biggest Cowboy Fans for various reasons, and we need more people to express their views about something that is becoming less and less taboo!  - TOG

Photographed by Roger Erickson | Styling by Constanze Han

NFL Hall of famer Michael Irvin talks for the first time about his gay brother and explains why he’s on a pro-gay mission from God.
By Cyd Zeigler

It was a Friday evening in Fort Lauderdale, warm and clear, like so many that 12-year-old Michael Irvin had experienced growing up in southern Florida. He was riding in a car with his father, Walter, a roofer by trade who spent what little spare time he had operating as the local Primitive Baptist minister. The two were heading home after an errand that was a regular payday ritual: Walter would drive into town to buy cigars and then drop off money with Michael’s grandmother to help with her bills. It was the late 1970s, a time of strife in America, and young Michael had already seen a lot in his low-income neighborhood. But nothing prepared him for what happened next.

As Walter drove up Northwest 27th Avenue, about to turn onto 16th Street, his son noticed a man who looked just like his older brother, Vaughn, walking away from their house toward “all the craziness in the ’hood,” Irvin remembers. It couldn’t be Vaughn: “This man was wearing women’s clothes.” But it was. “My brother had a very distinctive walk,” he says.

Irvin couldn’t believe his eyes. He turned to his father. “My dad looked back at me and said, ‘Yes, that’s your brother. And you love your brother.’ ” 

That was it. Irvin, who went on to become one of football’s greatest players, as well as the epitome of the troublemaking macho NFL stereotype, would never again discuss the issue with his father. “Whether Vaughn and my father later spoke about it, I don’t know. But it wasn’t something that was ever discussed among the family,” says Irvin, speaking for the first time about the gay older brother he idolized.

Walter Irvin’s message was simple: Michael was supposed to love his brother unconditionally, no matter what he looked like or who he was. But, still, the discovery was a shock that haunted Irvin as he grew into one of college football’s most feted stars. He worried that people would find out about Vaughn and bring shame upon the family. Most of all, he worried that he was gay. He kept his brother’s secret while winning a national championship with the University of Miami in 1987 (he scored a winning touchdown with a 73-yard catch during that season) and leading the Dallas Cowboys to three Super Bowl titles in the 1990s. Irvin was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2007, and in 2010, NFL .com named him one of the 100 greatest football players in history.

Meanwhile, he developed a reputation as a reckless, self-destructive celebrity who polarized public opinion like no other athlete of his generation. Irvin was a great player with a big mouth and a nasty streak, a man with a penchant for fast living. He made it a point to parade his female conquests past his teammates. Although he’s been married to his wife, Sandy, since 1990, Irvin made what he calls “mistakes” throughout his Cowboys career.

“Growing up, whoever had the most women and the nicest car, he was the man,” he says. “So when you get in the locker room, you remember that. I’m gonna get all the girls so that everybody says, ‘Michael’s the man.’ ”

In 1996, Irvin was arrested on charges of cocaine possession. He arrived in court wearing a full-length mink coat to plead no contest. The NFL suspended him five games. In 2000, he was arrested on possession charges in the company of a woman who was not his wife. The charges were later dropped. In 2005, he was cited for possession of drug paraphernalia. He claimed the items were those of a friend. ESPN, his employer at the time, suspended him.

Now, after working through some of his personal demons with his long-time bishop, T.D. Jakes of the Potter’s House church in Dallas, Texas, Irvin is ready to talk about Vaughn. More than that, he’s become a passionate supporter of gay athletes and equal rights for same-sex couples. Today, Irvin is a widely respected football commentator with weekly appearances on the NFL Network. He hosts The Michael Irvin Show on Miami’s WQAM with former World Football League player Kevin Kiley. For two years, the pair has delved into gay issues; in recent months, they have turned their attention to the subject of athletes, coaches, and team executives coming out of the closet. Now, Irvin is waiting for the day when America has its first openly gay active athlete in one of the top four professional sports leagues.

“If anyone comes out in those top four major sports, I will absolutely support him,” says Irvin. “That’s why I do my radio show every day. When these issues come out, I want to have a voice to speak about them. I think growth comes when we share. Until we do that, we’re going to be stuck in the Dark Ages about a lot of things. When a guy steps up and says, ‘This is who I am,’ I guarantee you I’ll give him 100% support.”

At 45 years old, Irvin isn’t satisfied. A deeply religious man, he’s begun grappling with images of himself standing at heaven’s door. Irvin doesn’t think touchdowns are going to score him a ticket to eternity. 

“The last thing I want is to go to God and have him ask, ‘What did you do?’ And I talk about winning Super Bowls and national titles,” Irvin says. “I didn’t do anything to make it a better world before I left? That would be scary.”

Irvin studies the Bible and attends church every Sunday when he’s not on TV. During his Hall of Fame acceptance speech in 2007, he mentioned his wife, Sandy, twice; he mentioned his pro coaches, Tom Landry and Jimmy Johnson, once each; and he referenced God 14 times. The theme song for his radio show is Dusty Springfield’s “Son of a Preacher Man.” 

As he approached the end of his football career, and as legal troubles piled up, Irvin searched deep within himself to understand the life choices he had made. Together with Jakes, whom Irvin considers his “spiritual father,” he searched for the root cause of his drug abuse and womanizing, and they revisited the car ride with his father more than 30 years earlier. That, Irvin now realizes, was a major turning point in his life.

Growing up, Irvin greatly admired his brother Vaughn, who was a successful bank manager while still living in “the ’hood,” says Irvin. That success made him “God” in his younger brother’s eyes. “He was the smartest, most charismatic man I’d ever seen in my life. We would all say, ‘Can you believe -- white people put Vaughn in charge of all that money?!’ ” The boys had similar personalities: Both were gregarious and got along with just about everyone. As the 15th child of 17, Irvin wore Vaughn’s hand-me-downs as a boy, and they grew up in close quarters. Even as Irvin kept the secret of Vaughn’s sexual orientation, he remained close to him until Vaughn died of stomach cancer at the age of 49 in 2006. 

Did Vaughn’s 15 other siblings know of his secret? “Oh, they knew. We all knew,” says Irvin. “It just wasn’t discussed.”

Homosexuality wasn’t exactly an issue that could be discussed in the football locker room, either -- unless, of course, it was in the form of the homophobic bile rife among his colleagues and friends. As Irvin’s national profile grew, he subconsciously distanced himself further from his brother’s sexuality.

“We went back to that day,” Irvin says of the car ride in Fort Lauderdale, “and through it all, we realized maybe some of the issues I’ve had with so many women—just bringing women around so everybody can see—maybe that’s residual of the fear I had that, if my brother is wearing ladies’ clothes, am I going to be doing that? Is it genetic? I’m certainly not making excuses for my bad decisions. But I had to dive inside of me to find out why I was making these decisions, and that came up.”

Years with this secret have given Irvin a glimpse into the solitary confinement so many closeted athletes feel locked inside.

“I’m not gay, but I was afraid to even let anyone have the thought. I can only imagine the agony—being a prisoner in your own mind -- for someone who wants to come out. If I’m not gay and I am afraid to mention it, I can only imagine what an athlete must be going through if he is gay.”

And yet, Irvin says, 15 years ago his champion team would have accepted a gay teammate on one condition: that the player could play. Winning was all that mattered. 

“I believe, if a teammate had said he was gay, we would have integrated him and kept moving because of the closeness.” As a leader in the locker room, it would have been Irvin’s job to keep the team together, first and foremost. And if that job called for him to support a gay teammate and share his connection, he thinks he could have. “We had a bunch of different characters on that team. Deoin [Sanders] and Emmitt [Smith]. I believe that team would have handled it well.”

The quarterback of Irvin’s all-conquering team was Troy Aikman, infamously “outed” by sportswriter Skip Bayless in his 1996 book, Hell-Bent. Bayless wrote, “I had heard the rumor since 1991. An off-duty Dallas police officer who traveled with the Cowboys and worked security at their hotels first told me that the ‘word on the street’ was that Aikman was gay. Over the next four years, I heard the rumor from two more police officers who worked around the team, and I know they mentioned it to team officials.”

Did Irvin and his teammates discuss Aikman’s sexuality? Irvin pauses for a while before answering, “No, we didn’t. I didn’t think Troy was gay, but even if he had been, I think we could have handled it. Would it have affected the team? No sir. I was going to make sure of that.” 

Irvin is certain that, in light of today’s relatively more enlightened attitudes, a team would have no choice but to embrace their gay teammate. He also notes that his 2009 appearance on Dancing With the Stars would never have happened 10 years ago, when he was still embodying the macho stereotype. “No way, man. I could not have done that kind of thing before.” (He made it to seventh place on the contest, but says it was tough: “There’s a difference between being quick on your toes on the field and going heel-to-toe on the dance floor.”)

So now that society has loosened up, is it wrong for a gay player to hide his sexuality, or is he still entitled to his privacy? “I think it’s his own preference, who he wants to share that with. But I would like to see players come forward and be happy with who they are.

“Hopefully, as we move forward, we’ll get to a place where there’s no way it’s even considered; it just is what it is and everybody can do what they do. That’s the ultimate goal.”

Irvin wants to eradicate homophobia in every corner of American society. He points to churches that have skewed the word of God to persecute those who don’t share their dogma; he shakes his head at the black culture he says has gone adrift in a sea of homophobia; and he said it’s time to end the second class–citizen status of gays in the eyes of the law.

“I don’t see how any African-American with any inkling of history can say that you don’t have the right to live your life how you want to live your life. No one should be telling you who you should love, no one should be telling you who you should be spending the rest of your life with. When we start talking about equality and everybody being treated equally, I don’t want to know an African-American who will say everybody doesn’t deserve equality.”

Love him or hate him, Michael Irvin doesn’t care. He’s on a mission. He hopes opening closet doors for gay people will be a key chapter in his life story. “I have to make sure we do things to bring people together. The Super Bowls will be the footnotes on my resume.”