introducing TRADEMARK FOTOGRAPHY....

everyone that know me knows i ALWAYS have a camera. i have always loved photography, and i have tried to be unique as i could with photos. i have had a point and shoot for over 10 years now, and i always knew i needed a digital slr, but never took the timeto properly research them. about three weeks ago i bought my first digital slr cannon rebel, and i am in love (ed no pun intended). i am still learning about lighting, and lens, but i am getting the hang of things i have added a few of my photos to show you some of my work...i hope you enjoy!!!

*special thanks to Kanesha & Marlon Waites (My first couple shoot), Steven Currie (my first shoot), and my frat brother melvin and marcus...

- My fellow photographers tell me what you think also...

the arms of the one who STILL loves me....

love should not be in websters, at least in my opinion. love is such a complex theory if you think about it.... it's a gamble, it can be your best friend, worst ememy, it's an addiction some want, some need, some hate, but to know you are loved, and to love someone words cannot express the feeling. i have fallen in and out of love, however i have said for the past two years if you truly love someone you will never turn it off. i love the love of my life two years ago in 2006. i had a bitter and hard break up tht honestly it took me two years to get over. i tired love again, and again, i tried just "talking" to people, not letting feelings get involed and all that, but that was just not for me. i explored almost everything, however despite everything i never stopped loving one.... i am not going to go into great detail, but i will say after a while GOD makes a way for real love to find you.... i have the love of my life back, and after expressing my feelings, and letting that person know exactly how i felt everything came back... when someone loves you they understand you, they accept you no matter what, and they understand if it's meant to be it will be....we have decided to take it one day at a time, but it will work this time....faith has proven itself....pray for us and strength.....

The Drum Major Instinct

One of my fav. sermons, please enjoy....



This morning I would like to use as a subject from which to preach: "The Drum Major Instinct." "The Drum Major Instinct." And our text for the morning is taken from a very familiar passage in the tenth chapter as recorded by Saint Mark. Beginning with the thirty-fifth verse of that chapter, we read these words: "And James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came unto him saying, ‘Master, we would that thou shouldest do for us whatsoever we shall desire.’ And he said unto them, ‘What would ye that I should do for you?’ And they said unto him, ‘Grant unto us that we may sit, one on thy right hand, and the other on thy left hand, in thy glory.’ But Jesus said unto them, ‘Ye know not what ye ask: Can ye drink of the cup that I drink of? and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?’ And they said unto him, ‘We can.’ And Jesus said unto them, ‘Ye shall indeed drink of the cup that I drink of, and with the baptism that I am baptized withal shall ye be baptized: but to sit on my right hand and on my left hand is not mine to give; but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared.’" And then Jesus goes on toward the end of that passage to say, "But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your servant: and whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all."

The setting is clear. James and John are making a specific request of the master. They had dreamed, as most of the Hebrews dreamed, of a coming king of Israel who would set Jerusalem free and establish his kingdom on Mount Zion, and in righteousness rule the world. And they thought of Jesus as this kind of king. And they were thinking of that day when Jesus would reign supreme as this new king of Israel. And they were saying, "Now when you establish your kingdom, let one of us sit on the right hand and the other on the left hand of your throne."

Now very quickly, we would automatically condemn James and John, and we would say they were selfish. Why would they make such a selfish request? But before we condemn them too quickly, let us look calmly and honestly at ourselves, and we will discover that we too have those same basic desires for recognition, for importance. That same desire for attention, that same desire to be first. Of course, the other disciples got mad with James and John, and you could understand why, but we must understand that we have some of the same James and John qualities. And there is deep down within all of us an instinct. It's a kind of drum major instinct—a desire to be out front, a desire to lead the parade, a desire to be first. And it is something that runs the whole gamut of life.

And so before we condemn them, let us see that we all have the drum major instinct. We all want to be important, to surpass others, to achieve distinction, to lead the parade. Alfred Adler, the great psychoanalyst, contends that this is the dominant impulse. Sigmund Freud used to contend that sex was the dominant impulse, and Adler came with a new argument saying that this quest for recognition, this desire for attention, this desire for distinction is the basic impulse, the basic drive of human life, this drum major instinct.

And you know, we begin early to ask life to put us first. Our first cry as a baby was a bid for attention. And all through childhood the drum major impulse or instinct is a major obsession. Children ask life to grant them first place. They are a little bundle of ego. And they have innately the drum major impulse or the drum major instinct.

Now in adult life, we still have it, and we really never get by it. We like to do something good. And you know, we like to be praised for it. Now if you don't believe that, you just go on living life, and you will discover very soon that you like to be praised. Everybody likes it, as a matter of fact. And somehow this warm glow we feel when we are praised or when our name is in print is something of the vitamin A to our ego. Nobody is unhappy when they are praised, even if they know they don't deserve it and even if they don't believe it. The only unhappy people about praise is when that praise is going too much toward somebody else. (That’s right) But everybody likes to be praised because of this real drum major instinct.

Now the presence of the drum major instinct is why so many people are "joiners." You know, there are some people who just join everything. And it's really a quest for attention and recognition and importance. And they get names that give them that impression. So you get your groups, and they become the "Grand Patron," and the little fellow who is henpecked at home needs a chance to be the "Most Worthy of the Most Worthy" of something. It is the drum major impulse and longing that runs the gamut of human life. And so we see it everywhere, this quest for recognition. And we join things, overjoin really, that we think that we will find that recognition in.

Now the presence of this instinct explains why we are so often taken by advertisers. You know, those gentlemen of massive verbal persuasion. And they have a way of saying things to you that kind of gets you into buying. In order to be a man of distinction, you must drink this whiskey. In order to make your neighbors envious, you must drive this type of car. (Make it plain) In order to be lovely to love you must wear this kind of lipstick or this kind of perfume. And you know, before you know it, you're just buying that stuff. (Yes) That's the way the advertisers do it.

I got a letter the other day, and it was a new magazine coming out. And it opened up, "Dear Dr. King: As you know, you are on many mailing lists. And you are categorized as highly intelligent, progressive, a lover of the arts and the sciences, and I know you will want to read what I have to say." Of course I did. After you said all of that and explained me so exactly, of course I wanted to read it. [laughter]

But very seriously, it goes through life; the drum major instinct is real. (Yes) And you know what else it causes to happen? It often causes us to live above our means. (Make it plain) It's nothing but the drum major instinct. Do you ever see people buy cars that they can't even begin to buy in terms of their income? (Amen) [laughter] You've seen people riding around in Cadillacs and Chryslers who don't earn enough to have a good T-Model Ford. (Make it plain) But it feeds a repressed ego.

You know, economists tell us that your automobile should not cost more than half of your annual income. So if you make an income of five thousand dollars, your car shouldn't cost more than about twenty-five hundred. That's just good economics. And if it's a family of two, and both members of the family make ten thousand dollars, they would have to make out with one car. That would be good economics, although it's often inconvenient. But so often, haven't you seen people making five thousand dollars a year and driving a car that costs six thousand? And they wonder why their ends never meet. [laughter] That's a fact.

Now the economists also say that your house shouldn't cost—if you're buying a house, it shouldn't cost more than twice your income. That's based on the economy and how you would make ends meet. So, if you have an income of five thousand dollars, it's kind of difficult in this society. But say it's a family with an income of ten thousand dollars, the house shouldn't cost much more than twenty thousand. Well, I've seen folk making ten thousand dollars, living in a forty- and fifty-thousand-dollar house. And you know they just barely make it. They get a check every month somewhere, and they owe all of that out before it comes in. Never have anything to put away for rainy days.

But now the problem is, it is the drum major instinct. And you know, you see people over and over again with the drum major instinct taking them over. And they just live their lives trying to outdo the Joneses. (Amen) They got to get this coat because this particular coat is a little better and a little better-looking than Mary's coat. And I got to drive this car because it's something about this car that makes my car a little better than my neighbor's car. (Amen) I know a man who used to live in a thirty-five-thousand-dollar house. And other people started building thirty-five-thousand-dollar houses, so he built a seventy-five-thousand-dollar house. And then somebody else built a seventy-five-thousand-dollar house, and he built a hundred-thousand-dollar house. And I don't know where he's going to end up if he's going to live his life trying to keep up with the Joneses.

There comes a time that the drum major instinct can become destructive. (Make it plain) And that's where I want to move now. I want to move to the point of saying that if this instinct is not harnessed, it becomes a very dangerous, pernicious instinct. For instance, if it isn’t harnessed, it causes one's personality to become distorted. I guess that's the most damaging aspect of it: what it does to the personality. If it isn't harnessed, you will end up day in and day out trying to deal with your ego problem by boasting. Have you ever heard people that—you know, and I'm sure you've met them—that really become sickening because they just sit up all the time talking about themselves. (Amen) And they just boast and boast and boast, and that's the person who has not harnessed the drum major instinct.

And then it does other things to the personality. It causes you to lie about who you know sometimes. (Amen, Make it plain) There are some people who are influence peddlers. And in their attempt to deal with the drum major instinct, they have to try to identify with the so-called big-name people. (Yeah, Make it plain) And if you're not careful, they will make you think they know somebody that they don't really know. (Amen) They know them well, they sip tea with them, and they this-and-that. That happens to people.

And the other thing is that it causes one to engage ultimately in activities that are merely used to get attention. Criminologists tell us that some people are driven to crime because of this drum major instinct. They don't feel that they are getting enough attention through the normal channels of social behavior, and so they turn to anti-social behavior in order to get attention, in order to feel important. (Yeah) And so they get that gun, and before they know it they robbed a bank in a quest for recognition, in a quest for importance.

And then the final great tragedy of the distorted personality is the fact that when one fails to harness this instinct, (Glory to God) he ends up trying to push others down in order to push himself up. (Amen) And whenever you do that, you engage in some of the most vicious activities. You will spread evil, vicious, lying gossip on people, because you are trying to pull them down in order to push yourself up. (Make it plain) And the great issue of life is to harness the drum major instinct.

Now the other problem is, when you don't harness the drum major instinct—this uncontrolled aspect of it—is that it leads to snobbish exclusivism. It leads to snobbish exclusivism. (Make it plain) And you know, this is the danger of social clubs and fraternities—I'm in a fraternity; I'm in two or three—for sororities and all of these, I'm not talking against them. I'm saying it's the danger. The danger is that they can become forces of classism and exclusivism where somehow you get a degree of satisfaction because you are in something exclusive. And that's fulfilling something, you know—that I'm in this fraternity, and it's the best fraternity in the world, and everybody can't get in this fraternity. So it ends up, you know, a very exclusive kind of thing.

And you know, that can happen with the church; I know churches get in that bind sometimes. (Amen, Make it plain) I've been to churches, you know, and they say, "We have so many doctors, and so many school teachers, and so many lawyers, and so many businessmen in our church." And that's fine, because doctors need to go to church, and lawyers, and businessmen, teachers—they ought to be in church. But they say that—even the preacher sometimes will go all through that—they say that as if the other people don't count. (Amen)

And the church is the one place where a doctor ought to forget that he's a doctor. The church is the one place where a Ph.D. ought to forget that he's a Ph.D. (Yes) The church is the one place that the school teacher ought to forget the degree she has behind her name. The church is the one place where the lawyer ought to forget that he's a lawyer. And any church that violates the "whosoever will, let him come" doctrine is a dead, cold church, (Yes) and nothing but a little social club with a thin veneer of religiosity.

When the church is true to its nature, (Whoo) it says, "Whosoever will, let him come." (Yes) And it does not supposed to satisfy the perverted uses of the drum major instinct. It's the one place where everybody should be the same, standing before a common master and savior. (Yes, sir) And a recognition grows out of this—that all men are brothers because they are children (Yes) of a common father.

The drum major instinct can lead to exclusivism in one's thinking and can lead one to feel that because he has some training, he's a little better than that person who doesn't have it. Or because he has some economic security, that he's a little better than that person who doesn't have it. And that's the uncontrolled, perverted use of the drum major instinct.

Now the other thing is, that it leads to tragic—and we've seen it happen so often—tragic race prejudice. Many who have written about this problem—Lillian Smith used to say it beautifully in some of her books. And she would say it to the point of getting men and women to see the source of the problem. Do you know that a lot of the race problem grows out of the drum major instinct? A need that some people have to feel superior. A need that some people have to feel that they are first, and to feel that their white skin ordained them to be first. (Make it plain, today, ‘cause I’m against it, so help me God) And they have said over and over again in ways that we see with our own eyes. In fact, not too long ago, a man down in Mississippi said that God was a charter member of the White Citizens Council. And so God being the charter member means that everybody who's in that has a kind of divinity, a kind of superiority. And think of what has happened in history as a result of this perverted use of the drum major instinct. It has led to the most tragic prejudice, the most tragic expressions of man's inhumanity to man.

The other day I was saying, I always try to do a little converting when I'm in jail. And when we were in jail in Birmingham the other day, the white wardens and all enjoyed coming around the cell to talk about the race problem. And they were showing us where we were so wrong demonstrating. And they were showing us where segregation was so right. And they were showing us where intermarriage was so wrong. So I would get to preaching, and we would get to talking—calmly, because they wanted to talk about it. And then we got down one day to the point—that was the second or third day—to talk about where they lived, and how much they were earning. And when those brothers told me what they were earning, I said, "Now, you know what? You ought to be marching with us. [laughter] You're just as poor as Negroes." And I said, "You are put in the position of supporting your oppressor, because through prejudice and blindness, you fail to see that the same forces that oppress Negroes in American society oppress poor white people. (Yes) And all you are living on is the satisfaction of your skin being white, and the drum major instinct of thinking that you are somebody big because you are white. And you're so poor you can't send your children to school. You ought to be out here marching with every one of us every time we have a march."

Now that's a fact. That the poor white has been put into this position, where through blindness and prejudice, (Make it plain) he is forced to support his oppressors. And the only thing he has going for him is the false feeling that he’s superior because his skin is white—and can't hardly eat and make his ends meet week in and week out. (Amen)

And not only does this thing go into the racial struggle, it goes into the struggle between nations. And I would submit to you this morning that what is wrong in the world today is that the nations of the world are engaged in a bitter, colossal contest for supremacy. And if something doesn't happen to stop this trend, I'm sorely afraid that we won't be here to talk about Jesus Christ and about God and about brotherhood too many more years. (Yeah) If somebody doesn't bring an end to this suicidal thrust that we see in the world today, none of us are going to be around, because somebody's going to make the mistake through our senseless blunderings of dropping a nuclear bomb somewhere. And then another one is going to drop. And don't let anybody fool you, this can happen within a matter of seconds. (Amen) They have twenty-megaton bombs in Russia right now that can destroy a city as big as New York in three seconds, with everybody wiped away, and every building. And we can do the same thing to Russia and China.

But this is why we are drifting. And we are drifting there because nations are caught up with the drum major instinct. "I must be first." "I must be supreme." "Our nation must rule the world." (Preach it) And I am sad to say that the nation in which we live is the supreme culprit. And I'm going to continue to say it to America, because I love this country too much to see the drift that it has taken.

God didn't call America to do what she's doing in the world now. (Preach it, preach it) God didn't call America to engage in a senseless, unjust war as the war in Vietnam. And we are criminals in that war. We’ve committed more war crimes almost than any nation in the world, and I'm going to continue to say it. And we won't stop it because of our pride and our arrogance as a nation.

But God has a way of even putting nations in their place. (Amen) The God that I worship has a way of saying, "Don't play with me." (Yes) He has a way of saying, as the God of the Old Testament used to say to the Hebrews, "Don’t play with me, Israel. Don't play with me, Babylon. (Yes) Be still and know that I'm God. And if you don't stop your reckless course, I'll rise up and break the backbone of your power." (Yes) And that can happen to America. (Yes) Every now and then I go back and read Gibbons' Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. And when I come and look at America, I say to myself, the parallels are frightening. And we have perverted the drum major instinct.

But let me rush on to my conclusion, because I want you to see what Jesus was really saying. What was the answer that Jesus gave these men? It's very interesting. One would have thought that Jesus would have condemned them. One would have thought that Jesus would have said, "You are out of your place. You are selfish. Why would you raise such a question?"

But that isn't what Jesus did; he did something altogether different. He said in substance, "Oh, I see, you want to be first. You want to be great. You want to be important. You want to be significant. Well, you ought to be. If you're going to be my disciple, you must be." But he reordered priorities. And he said, "Yes, don't give up this instinct. It's a good instinct if you use it right. (Yes) It's a good instinct if you don't distort it and pervert it. Don't give it up. Keep feeling the need for being important. Keep feeling the need for being first. But I want you to be first in love. (Amen) I want you to be first in moral excellence. I want you to be first in generosity. That is what I want you to do."

And he transformed the situation by giving a new definition of greatness. And you know how he said it? He said, "Now brethren, I can't give you greatness. And really, I can't make you first." This is what Jesus said to James and John. "You must earn it. True greatness comes not by favoritism, but by fitness. And the right hand and the left are not mine to give, they belong to those who are prepared." (Amen)

And so Jesus gave us a new norm of greatness. If you want to be important—wonderful. If you want to be recognized—wonderful. If you want to be great—wonderful. But recognize that he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. (Amen) That's a new definition of greatness.

And this morning, the thing that I like about it: by giving that definition of greatness, it means that everybody can be great, (Everybody) because everybody can serve. (Amen) You don't have to have a college degree to serve. (All right) You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. You don't have to know about Plato and Aristotle to serve. You don't have to know Einstein's theory of relativity to serve. You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. (Amen) You only need a heart full of grace, (Yes, sir, Amen) a soul generated by love. (Yes) And you can be that servant.

I know a man—and I just want to talk about him a minute, and maybe you will discover who I'm talking about as I go down the way (Yeah) because he was a great one. And he just went about serving. He was born in an obscure village, (Yes, sir) the child of a poor peasant woman. And then he grew up in still another obscure village, where he worked as a carpenter until he was thirty years old. (Amen) Then for three years, he just got on his feet, and he was an itinerant preacher. And he went about doing some things. He didn't have much. He never wrote a book. He never held an office. He never had a family. (Yes) He never owned a house. He never went to college. He never visited a big city. He never went two hundred miles from where he was born. He did none of the usual things that the world would associate with greatness. He had no credentials but himself.

He was only thirty-three when the tide of public opinion turned against him. They called him a rabble-rouser. They called him a troublemaker. They said he was an agitator. (Glory to God) He practiced civil disobedience; he broke injunctions. And so he was turned over to his enemies and went through the mockery of a trial. And the irony of it all is that his friends turned him over to them. (Amen) One of his closest friends denied him. Another of his friends turned him over to his enemies. And while he was dying, the people who killed him gambled for his clothing, the only possession that he had in the world. (Lord help him) When he was dead he was buried in a borrowed tomb, through the pity of a friend.

Nineteen centuries have come and gone and today he stands as the most influential figure that ever entered human history. All of the armies that ever marched, all the navies that ever sailed, all the parliaments that ever sat, and all the kings that ever reigned put together (Yes) have not affected the life of man on this earth (Amen) as much as that one solitary life. His name may be a familiar one. (Jesus) But today I can hear them talking about him. Every now and then somebody says, "He's King of Kings." (Yes) And again I can hear somebody saying, "He's Lord of Lords." Somewhere else I can hear somebody saying, "In Christ there is no East nor West." (Yes) And then they go on and talk about, "In Him there's no North and South, but one great Fellowship of Love throughout the whole wide world." He didn't have anything. (Amen) He just went around serving and doing good.

This morning, you can be on his right hand and his left hand if you serve. (Amen) It's the only way in.

Every now and then I guess we all think realistically (Yes, sir) about that day when we will be victimized with what is life's final common denominator—that something that we call death. We all think about it. And every now and then I think about my own death and I think about my own funeral. And I don't think of it in a morbid sense. And every now and then I ask myself, "What is it that I would want said?" And I leave the word to you this morning.

If any of you are around when I have to meet my day, I don’t want a long funeral. And if you get somebody to deliver the eulogy, tell them not to talk too long. (Yes) And every now and then I wonder what I want them to say. Tell them not to mention that I have a Nobel Peace Prize—that isn’t important. Tell them not to mention that I have three or four hundred other awards—that’s not important. Tell them not to mention where I went to school. (Yes)

I'd like somebody to mention that day that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to give his life serving others. (Yes)

I'd like for somebody to say that day that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to love somebody.

I want you to say that day that I tried to be right on the war question. (Amen)

I want you to be able to say that day that I did try to feed the hungry. (Yes)

And I want you to be able to say that day that I did try in my life to clothe those who were naked. (Yes)

I want you to say on that day that I did try in my life to visit those who were in prison. (Lord)

I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity. (Yes)

Yes, if you want to say that I was a drum major, say that I was a drum major for justice. (Amen) Say that I was a drum major for peace. (Yes) I was a drum major for righteousness. And all of the other shallow things will not matter. (Yes) I won't have any money to leave behind. I won't have the fine and luxurious things of life to leave behind. But I just want to leave a committed life behind. (Amen) And that's all I want to say.

If I can help somebody as I pass along,

If I can cheer somebody with a word or song,

If I can show somebody he's traveling wrong,

Then my living will not be in vain.

If I can do my duty as a Christian ought,

If I can bring salvation to a world once wrought,

If I can spread the message as the master taught,

Then my living will not be in vain.

Yes, Jesus, I want to be on your right or your left side, (Yes) not for any selfish reason. I want to be on your right or your left side, not in terms of some political kingdom or ambition. But I just want to be there in love and in justice and in truth and in commitment to others, so that we can make of this old world a new world.





Delivered at Ebenezer Baptist Church, Atlanta, Georgia, on 4 February 1968.

back and better than ever....

so i have not been doing my blogging thing that much over the past 9 months or so....well that is about to change, i have decided to return to my daily blogging with my new views on this wonderful thing we call life...stay turned for updates!!!

never would have made it....

i celebrated my 23rd birthday this weekend. i must say i have come such a long way and GOD has really worked some wonders with me. i have had my share of ups and down, but i continue to praise him in advance for blessings in my life. the last year was rough, i dealt with extreme confusion, depression, and loss. with all of the heartache, i was able to maintain sanity, put together goals for myself, and work myself into the type of man i want to be. i was able to travel with friends, and family, i started the process of taking tog media to another level. i cried, i laughed, i loved, i got rejected, but no matter what and how hard it got i kept my head up. i was initiated into the glorious brotherhood of delta phi upsilon fraternity, i grew apart from several people in my life, and i gained so many other people in different department. i cleaned out my closets, i stepped up my game in so many ways. i returned to houston for good. i became the bigger person in situations, i let my grauds down. i dealt with weight, self esteem, family issues and issues from my childhood. i learned to let go and let GOD.

so you may be wondering what's next for TOG? well only GOD knows, of course i have my vision, and with much prayer, and support i am taking every level of my life higher. tog media will prosper, i will be an uncle in a few months. i will start other concepts i have been taking about for years. i will be a better brother, son, friend and love. i will honestly love myself the same way my lord and savior Jesus Christ himself loves me. for i know what is broken in my life he can fix. i will live......

single black gay male addicted to retail.....

as i sit and think my life has changed so much, but not much has changed. i thank god for my parents and my upbringing every day. as a young boy i was taught important things about life, etiquette, and life skills that most people never learn. the first couple of years of my adult life were spent working hard towards goals that i had set for myself, and most of them were attained. over the past two years so much has went wrong, but so much more has went better. i gained and lost the love of my life, after him i didn't know how i was going to go on, but i managed to move on. as i think about my life now and where i want to be i must say that i feel god is moving me along at his pace... i have a great new place to call home, i am back in my stomping grounds houston, texas, doing what most young men my age dream of. i sometimes beat myself up for things i have no control over, but i quickly realize that's a part of life. my days are spent working, looking good, and yes taking daily trips to the houston galleria. as far as single ti knew people would ask questions, and no matter who i date, i am single until i am married, and trust you guys will know the tog ties the knot. i am now at a point when i am going from the gap to club monaco, from express to ralph lauren, and discover to amex. i understand that to make it in this world in my chosen fields, i have to look good at all times. you have to love yourself, and when people see my level of confidence that makes them take me seriously. i am blessed to have my youthful look, sleek style, good credit, and eye for unique yet simple and stylish looks...what can i say i am just a single black gay male addicted to retail.....

-tg

another royal birthday....

birthdays are special to me. after putting it off for months i have finally started planning my birthday less than a month from the big day. i am happy that for the first time in my adult life my birthday will be falling on a friday so that will make it fun. a lot of planning and tieing up loose ends is going on now, but i will be sure to keep you posted. i wanted to give you a few spoilers though! i will have club 2020 on saturday july 19th, the entire club, and the theme will be "chucks & true religons"....this year my all star birthday weekend will begin july 18th and end july 20..i am sooo excited!! i will keep you posted....

-TG

i got carried away with sex and the city....

about five years ago i discovered sex and the city. nobody with the exception of my older brother really could relate with me and my love for this show. it had everything, it had fashion, substance, and comic relief. when the show was over everyone talked about the movie. i paid it attention, but i was happy just watching the dvds of the past seasons (particularly season 5) and watching the edited reruns on TBS. when i met my bff two years ago it was one of the first things we as friends had in common. sex and the city provided so much more, it gave me insight into how women think about sex. it gave me goals, and i was even able to compare my own relationships to relationships in the show. i fell in love with carrie, she reminds me so much of myself, and i loved it from her upper east side apartment (when i went to NYC in the fall of '06 i found the stoop and took a photo there it's actually in the village, not the upper east side. i watched the episodes faithfully, and help mold my life a little bit. well here i am not a young black urban professional man, loving life, even with it's bumps and bruises. i went to see sex and the city last friday with my bff, and two other friends. i was pleased. i will admit with so much build up i didn't know what to expect, but i was please. the movie was great on so many levels, and it was what us fans really needed. the sets were great, the costumes were fabulous, and once again it made nyc the most attractive city in the world. the movie gave us love, hope, laughter, and it summed up so much that was just up in the air when the show ended. TOG gives sex and the city five thumbs up!!!!!!!

springing forward....

greetings people! i know i said i was going to do so much better with my blog, but i have been soooo busy! so much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same. i am on my daily struggle to find who i am and what my God has put me on this earth to do. my faith is the same, and i put my hands into his unchanging hands......even though we have daily highs of 98 degrees here in the great lone star state, it's still spring, and spring is my favorite time of year. spring is when the dead comes alive, it's when we have the pastels, and soft colors. it's the days when we don't mind the rain, the time of the year when i see my bluebonnets, and i pick berries. it's the time of the year we hang out on patios, sipping frozen beverages, and the days all my credit cards get maxed out from buying outfits for various events. spring also has been historic in my life for heartbreak, and my relationships being in turmoil. love has it's ups and downs, love is like spring. out with the old, and in with the new. it's when you need to clean out your closet, it's when you need to take the time to enjoy and do you! it's about letting yourself blossom into what you want to be. here i am six months into the year and i have been in love and out of love already.....but i am springing forward...

we need uppityworld...

Last summer while I was in LA with one of my bestfriends Sadiki, he and Trent Jackson took me to the Abbey my last night in town. It was that night I saw how far the upptiyworld had gotten, when we were leaving this guy came up to me and said "Terrance, you have the blog uppityworld right?" I was like wow, well that same guy sent me an e-mail asking what was going on with me. He told me they need a blog like this, he is very intrested. You see this started as a hobby, but now I get daily e-mails about how people are intrigued with my blog and my life. Well I see when I am needed, so I will go back to my daily blogging! I hope you all enjoy, please send me you comments, and give me input. I am working now to develop a new full site, and great layout, but just bare with me until I can get it up and going... I love you guys!!!

- Terrance

Deltas take Atlanta...

This past weekend I had the privilege of traveling to Atlanta, GA with my fraternity brothers for the Interest Meeting of the Delta Chapter in Atlanta, GA. Our meeting was huge success, and I am looking forward to seeing what ATL brings to Delta Phi Upsilon....

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Hey guys, I have been working hard on my new blog, and personal website. My goal is to have it done by April 1st, so I can bring you what you like to see and read again....Keep in touch and I will keep you updated!

-Terrance

the deltas are coming to atl....

my fraternity delta phi upsilon fraternity inc. will be having our interest meeting in atlanta, ga next month. i have attached the flyer for the event, and to all my atl peeps, and readers i hope to see you there!

valentines day will not be the same for one northern va man...

Tragedy in Woodbridge
Young gay man killed in Virginia robbery
by Yusef Najafi
Published on January 31, 2008

Darius Cooke no longer sleeps in the bed he once shared with Keith Jamar Truesdale, his partner of nearly two years. Until he moves out of their Woodbridge, Va., apartment, Cooke says he'll be sleeping on the living room couch.

It's not a situation Cooke, 21, could have predicted just a week and a half ago when he and Truesdale, 23, were finalizing plans to move into a new ''rent-to-own'' townhouse. Just nine months ago, they exchanged commitment rings marking their one-year anniversary.

A single bullet was all it took to obliterate this young couple's happy dreams for the future.
Darius Cooke with photo of Keith Jamar Truesdale
Darius Cooke with photo of Keith Jamar Truesdale
(Photo by Yusef Najafi)

It was Jan. 22 and Truesdale was managing the Popeye's Chicken & Biscuits restaurant in Woodbridge. It was not the Dale City, Va., outlet where he usually worked. He was just helping out, filling in.

Cooke saw Truesdale for the last time that day as he stopped by the restaurant to collect some of the paperwork needed for their upcoming move. After running some errands in the neighborhood, fate allowed Cooke to be in an adjacent bank parking lot as Truesdale took a break. He walked over and surprised Cooke.

''Damn, you're still here?'' Truesdale teased. ''You got everything you need?''

That was followed by a casual goodbye and Cooke's reply: ''I'll see you at home then.'' It would be the last words they would exchange, the last time they would see each other.

Truesdale was due home around 11 p.m., but he didn't show. Cooke remembers making phone calls to Truesdale's cell phone. He lost count of how many. As the hours passed, panic set in. By 3 a.m., with still no word, Cooke says he couldn't sit still.

''Just as I was putting on my sweatpants to leave, I heard the phone ring,'' he says. ''It went to voice mail and it was just this strange noise -- hollering and laughing on my answering machine.''

As he walked to the answering machine, Cooke realized he hadn't heard laughter, but hysteria. The distressed voice breaking the silence in the living room that the couple often cuddled in while watching Truesdale's beloved Law & Order was Truesdale's mother, screaming and crying for her son. She had heard the news that at that moment was unimaginable to Cooke.

''He's dead, he's dead,'' Cooke recalls her repeating on that call from New York. ''The police called me and told me my baby's dead!''

''What are you talking about?'' Cooke replied in disbelief on the phone. ''No he's not! I'm going to go get him and I'll call you back.''

Cooke sped from the house, frightened and confused. As his car approached the Popeye's parking lot, a little less than five miles away from the couple's apartment, disbelief gave way to cruel reality. Blue and red flashing lights blinded Cooke until he was close enough to see the only car in the parking lot aside from his and the police was Truesdale's.

Cooke says that's when everything started moving in slow motion, when everything changed.


Cooke learned that Truesdale was caught in the middle of a robbery involving two men, one brandishing a knife, the other a gun, demanding he open the store's safe. Not the regular manager, it's likely he didn't have that combination memorized. Truesdale was fatally shot and died at Potomac Hospital around 11 p.m.

Nearly one week after the incident, Cooke says he has yet to hear from police or the management at Popeye's.

''We haven't heard anything,'' he says. ''[Popeye's] said they were going to have a little memorial for him. It never happened.''

A statement issued last week by the corporate office of Popeye's, the Atlanta-based AFC Enterprises Inc., reads in part, ''The Popeye's family is devastated by this situation: our deepest sympathies go out to the family of Mr. Truesdale.''

Truesdale's body was transported to New York City, where a funeral service was scheduled for Tuesday, Jan. 29. While Cooke said he wasn't included in making the arrangements, he planned on attending the ceremony.

''I thought we were going to be together for a long time,'' he says. ''I felt like we built so much together. Most couples our age don't have close to what we had.''

The gunman, who was dressed in black, was described as a light-complexioned black male, 18-22 years old, 5'9'' and 140 pounds. The second man, also wearing black, has been described as a light-complexioned black male, 18-22 years old, 5''7'' and 135 pounds. The Prince William County Police Department is asking anyone with information about the case to call Crime Solvers at 866-411-TIPS.

Taken from:

sometime being the baby is not so bad...

i have been opening up more to people that i feel i can trust over the past year or so. well over the past couple of months i have been getting closer to my sister. we have never had a horrible relationship or event a rocky relationship, we just have kinda always did our own things. when she was in high school i remember always being around her, going to basketball practice with her, her and her friends taking me trick or treating. i remember chilling with her & her ex boyfriend when he was a football player at texas a&m in cain hall. i remember crying when i found out she was leaving texas to go to virginia and dc to attend howard university. it was her that showed me the sites the first time i went to dc, it was her that sent me the best birthday and valentines day cards, candy, and got me the great christmas gift. i even spent my 13th birthday with her, as i spent the entire summer with her, i never knew how much she would impact my life nd be able to help me when i was in need. on the flip side of that when i was here in texas messing up in school, and rebelling it was her that stepped in an threatened me with military school, and not being able to go shopping....(they knew how to get to me)..well when i fell in love with dc i found out that she and her then boyfriend now husband larry were moving back to texas, so i kinda forgot about wanting to move up that way. naturally when i decided to hit up dc i wanted to run it by her since she lived there for about 10 years. i was surprised at her reaction when i told her i was going to pursue am internship, and try living in the district. she told me that she worked hard while she was there, but overall it's a great place to live, and i am at an age where i need to explore live and learn. i was so expecting her to tell me to stay my ass in texas and find a job doing nothing, but making money....sometimes being the baby just ain't too bad...

about to shake washington up again....

well i have been trying to get to dc for sometime now. i decided recently that i will be interning in dc over the summer, and hopefully that will open up some doors for me to get a real gig up there by the end of the summer, if not i will have another plan. i took my first trip to washington dc in 1994 to visit my sister while she was in undergrad @ howard university. i was into being a tourist, wanted to see the capitol, white house, and all the monuments. i took a few more trips afterwards, but none like the trip to dc i have taken in the recent years. i have a artistic side, i have never been much into politics and that kind of thing, until i realized that i was a gay man of color, and so many of us just settle for whatever. i had the wonderful opportunity of being introduced to the human rights campaign in 2006. for the first time in my life i was intrigued by politics, the political process, and standing for equality and change. i started looking more and more into public policies, and what i wanted and needed to do to be at my generations forefront of change. you see i have lived, i am pretty advanced for a 22 year old, and i love life. i am one that believes the only way one can truly analyze something is to live it. i don't believe in a lot of physiological studies, and reading books to figure out a type of person. some studies i understand on other i don't nor do i care to attempt to. when i crossed my fraternity i received a call from one of my most political friends, and he had the following words for me that have stuck with me every day since then he said the following

"Terrance, you are the type of person that most of us aspire to be. you are accepted, but you don't care if others don't accept you. you accept yourself. you are proof to society that all gay men of color are not one particular way. with the work you have done with the hrc, on our campus, and in the community in houston, you are truly a leader, and you will go far, i see what you are doing, and you will be one of the people we read about when it comes ot historical figures in the black sgl community."

those words touched me in so many ways that it's crazy. well last fall i took another trip to DC for a hrc hbcu conference, and once again it was a life changing experience. however his trip was different. i was able to actually sit down and talk to people, then more than one person asked me "Terrance have you ever considered coming to DC?" i was like yeah i come all the time, they said no i mean to lobby, work for human rights, and other important issues facing young people..and no i had never really considered. when i was on capitol hill i ran into a friend from undergrad @ pvamu who now works on the hill, and she said "Terrance you look happy" that made me feel great, but more than that it made me consider a move to DC even more. i came home to texas, and six months later here i am. i have had to realize that my life is just that my life, and i have to do things that will please me, and most of all please my lord and savior jesus christ. i will forever be greatful for this gift that i have and now i am ready to use these god given talents to work for my community...

washington is not texas

okay so the weather is cold, i will not take my car, and i will not have whataburger. i will be in a city where it seem that the african-american community is more progressed, and educated. i will be able to chill with other lobbyist, students, and very opinionated people. i will be able to make life long contacts, ride my bike on the mall, and go to museums on the regular. with the help of some of my texan friends hopefully i will fit right in. so after houston splash festivities wrap up seems i will packing up and hitting it.....!

setting a new standard...

my standards in life are high....well it depends on what is high to you. as i look back on my 22 years of existence i can truly say that i have lead an good life. i can truly attribute a lot of my positive qualities to the people i have surrounded myself with. as a young boy i developed my own mind, and my parents made me realize that i was living for me, image is everything , and things i do are not only a reflection of myself, but of them also, and i respected that a lot. at age 22 i am happy with myself, i have a personality that's like potato chips, people cannot just get one. i have tried to make my life be a well balanced as possible. i cannot and will not overdue my education, because while education is extremely important it's not everything. some of the people i admire the most have little or no education. i can sit in almost any environment and be comfortable, i have a decent relationship with my family, and even though i may not see eye to eye with them, i know that they are there at the end of the day. i say what is on my mind, and i have the reputation for being blunt, i try to express myself in ways that will not hurt people, bu sometimes they get hurt anyway, but the truth hurts...as i explore more of tog and get to know different sides of him, i am finding out so much. i am finding that i am open to things that i might not have been open to a while back, like moving away from texas, even dating outside my race....yea i said it...lol..i fell when people look and talk to me they can feel my ethnicity, yet they can also tell i am educated and intelligent. i have the looks that don't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon, at least if i have anything to do with it. i am setting a new standard for the people i chose to let into my life. when you have specific goals and you are trying to get somewhere, you don't have time for foolishness or foolish people. i am extremely proud of the young man i have come to be...i might not have had a lot of the thing people feel you need growing up to be successful, but i have proven them wrong. i came from the working class, and a real mother that gave it to me like it was. i realized early in life that the world is a huge and often unfriendly. i have set a new standard.....and i am excited..

I'M BACK....

well i have taken a little hiatus on my blogging for a little while..over the past six months i have been dealing with a lot. i have had a lot of time to think and i must say i a m so prepared to make some much needed changes in my life.

i have lived so long without taking chances in life every time, i try to make a major move in my life, i seem to get sidetracked, and settle for something simple. i have been making my own decisions for a while now, but i managed to stay within a comfort zone. i chose to attend colleges close to home, i became involved in relationships with people that had local ties. i saw myself living in texas for the rest of my life. i decided that i wanted more from life, and i wanted to take a change from the "norm".

i have had time to sit back and think about where i want my life to go, and what i want to do. i can say i am about to make some major changes, so i want you to stay tuned...

yes we are DELTA men....

Last year the story broke about some guys from Houston, Texas that had taken the identity of the first Greek lettered organization for women Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated (Happy 100th Birthday Ladies). It was first brought to my attention last week that people had been sending e-mails (even from their work addresses) about the organization in which I am proud to call myself a member. For thousands of young black students national wide it's a dream to be a part of a Greek lettered organization, however to gain membership to these so-called elite organizations people must often stoop to levels that with almost drive any sane person INSANE! Upon entering college in 2002 I quickly choose an organization I wanted become a part of, I then quickly changed my mind. You see I am a proud gay man of color, I am not phased by what society defines as "normal". I was interested to find an organization that was created for gay men of color, that was unique. One that was established for gay men of color to be able to have a real brotherhood without stealing the indentity of another established organization. I found Delta Phi Upsilon Fraternity Incorporated. Once man had a vision 23 years ago to establish an organization for qualifying gay men of color, that they could join without the fear of being rejected, criticized or even killed....yes killed.. Anyone that knows anything about know that I hold my head high and I only associate myself with positive things, people, and things that will positively impact my life, and the lives of those around me. After years of wanting to do it, I finally pledged Delta Phi Upsilon in the late summer-early fall of 2007 and crossed the burning sands at 11:41am on Saturday October 6, 2007. I was surprised to find out last week that people are making my organization out to be some type of "fake" organization or even an auxiliary organization of Delta Sigma Theta (Established in 1913 from former members of AKA). As much as I love the ladies of Delta Sigma Theta, people should not let them flatter themselves things they have an organization like the MIAKAS going around trying to be them....To answer the questions I have been getting we are all 100% men, we understand our importance in society as men. We are a full fledged professional organization with everything every other Greek lettered organization has. It's not our responsibility to prove whether or not we are "REAL" because what and "REAL" organization may differ from region to region, school to school person to person. We area FRATERNITY not SORORITY. We patriarchate in community service projects, social activities, and we are leaders in our community, and anyone that might me interested n learning more about I personally invite you to check out our national website at http://www.dphiu.org. So to those what want to make this into something it really is not I beg you to please find something better to do while you are at work in front of your computers, or at the least become familiar with BCC and take off your title and contact information. With that being said also since we are a REAL organization....REAL MEN...DELTA MEN!!!!....

yes we are DELTA men....

Last year the story broke about some guys from Houston, Texas that had taken the identity of the first Greek lettered organization for women Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated (Happy 100th Birthday Ladies). It was first brought to my attention last week that people had been sending e-mails (even from their work addresses) about the organization in which I am proud to call myself a member. For thousands of young black students national wide it's a dream to be a part of a Greek lettered organization, however to gain membership to these so-called elite organizations people must often stoop to levels that with almost drive any sane person INSANE! Upon entering college in 2002 I quickly choose an organization I wanted become a part of, I then quickly changed my mind. You see I am a proud gay man of color, I am not phased by what society defines as "normal". I was interested to find an organization that was created for gay men of color, that was unique. One that was established for gay men of color to be able to have a real brotherhood without stealing the indentity of another established organization. I found Delta Phi Upsilon Fraternity Incorporated. Once man had a vision 23 years ago to establish an organization for qualifying gay men of color, that they could join without the fear of being rejected, criticized or even killed....yes killed.. Anyone that knows anything about know that I hold my head high and I only associate myself with positive things, people, and things that will positively impact my life, and the lives of those around me. After years of wanting to do it, I finally pledged Delta Phi Upsilon in the late summer-early fall of 2007 and crossed the burning sands at 11:41am on Saturday October 6, 2007. I was surprised to find out last week that people are making my organization out to be some type of "fake" organization or even an auxiliary organization of Delta Sigma Theta (Established in 1913 from former members of AKA). As much as I love the ladies of Delta Sigma Theta, people should not let them flatter themselves things they have an organization like the MIAKAS going around trying to be them....To answer the questions I have been getting we are all 100% men, we understand our importance in society as men. We are a full fledged professional organization with everything every other Greek lettered organization has. It's not our responsibility to prove whether or not we are "REAL" because what and "REAL" organization may differ from region to region, school to school person to person. We area FRATERNITY not SORORITY. We patriarchate in community service projects, social activities, and we are leaders in our community, and anyone that might me interested n learning more about I personally invite you to check out our national website at http://www.dphiu.org. So to those what want to make this into something it really is not I beg you to please find something better to do while you are at work in front of your computers, or at the least become familiar with BCC and take off your title and contact information. With that being said also since we are a REAL organization....REAL MEN...DELTA MEN!!!!....

2008 is here, changes are coming, GOD is working...

a guy that reads my blog recently told me that he loves the blog. he said
"terrance, I have followed your life since you started blogging, back when you used to blog on yahoo360, and I have noticed so much change in you, and your life."

back in october of 2007 i was a bit scared to attend my first homecoming as a alumnus of prairie view a&m university, because i felt like i had not done anything position or meaningful since leaving the hill. i have come to see that is not the case. 2007 bought so much to my life, which at the end of 2006 i didn't have. the main thing about the year was i quickly developed for a young boy, to a grown man. adulthood is one of those weird mind-games, because you can feel like you are an adult, you can pay the bills, be in dependant, yet still be a child. in 2007 i dealt with death, relationships, family drama, work-related drama, friendships old and new, love, heartache, and just normal things that most adults deal with on a day to day basis. i pledged a fraternity, i cut people out of my life, saw people from my past, and enjoyed traveling across the country. i worked for a fortune 500, took time to develop myself into a young business professional. with that all being said as 2007 came to an ended i was forced to deal with something i long thought i had dealt with a long time ago. at age five i love my biological father in a tragic accident, and because of my age and so many people around me i never dealt with it head on. well at the end of 2007 i quickly realized that it has affected me in so many ways i could never list them all. it was one day i was standing at the sink shaving i realized no man had taught me that that is why i was using the clippers and still looking scrungie bout the face. i called and opened up to my mother's ex and told him how much i needed him even at 22 years old, and he told me he was there in whatever way he could be. that meant so much.

so as for 2008..

nyc, los angeles, dc, chicago, atlanta...all place i have considered moving just over the past three months. finally decided...i am moving to dallas, texas. i have always loved dallas, since i was a young boy , but i never had a reason for the move, besides my friends and family that lived in the city, but as far as the family is concerned i am not close to any of them like that... i started considering the move, then i decided to look and research would dallas be a good place for a young sgl african-american man to live, possibly do things like build a house, make money, launch a company of his own, and start building his own legacy, and dynasty? the answer seems to be yes. dallas has always had some kind of unique charm about it for some reason. not sure what has always attracted me to the city, but as i grew older i have seen the presence of affluent african-americans, and young professionals in the city with an artsy touch have made me want in to the fun. this move miht not seem like much, but it's me starting to define who i am and what i want to do. i will be 200 miles from home, in my own world, and doing my own thing, and my parents seem to be supportive thus far. i'm excited, and i just know that GOD is doing some awesome, great things in my life.....