Knowing Love....

LOVE IS A BITCH!!! Love is one of those things that we put so much energy into hoping for the best results, but it is so much of a gamble. Love is also very funny because eveyone has their own perception, or definition of what it is... In my opinion love for one of the few things that websters' cannot define, for we much give our own definition. So here is my story.... Love has been my bestfriend, yet my worst enemy, becasue when I love, I love hard. It is funny there have been timess when I felt like it was love, but it was not....Mary. J, Blige said that "A love that tears you down, ain't really love" and boy did that bich hit it on the head....After my last relationship I thought I would never be able to give my heart to anyone, and trust them... I feel back into the thinking that gay relationships are not meant to last, they are just a get it and move on. It was not until I sat down and really thought about some shit and came to some conclusions. I feel like I know what love is in my heart. If feel like you dont have to know EVERYTHING about someone to be in love with them, but if they make you feel ways and things you cannot even make yourself feel, or in my case myself, it's love to me. When you wake up in the morning with tha person on your mind before you even brush your teeth or even think about what you are going to wear for the day. Love is one of those things that every one trys to make a song about, and everyone tried to define, but we can of make our own definitions......

SO BLACK GAY MEN ARE THE CAUSE OF HIV-AIDS??? I KNOW NOT....

Last Tuesday while coing through my mail box I saw an flyer for the premier of an independant film, filmed here in Houston, about the affect of the HIV-AIDS epidemic from a black female's point ov view. Now being the son of a black queen, I know that all womens don't have the same thoughs as the thoughts expressed in that movie. The movie was short, about 30 minutes to be exact, we arrived at the River Oaks Theather about 6:50 stood in line, and paid our $5.00 for entry. We sat there for a good 30 mins waiting on the DVD to start. We looked around a couple of times, and clearly noticed something, we were probally the only open gay black men in the room. Well the movie started out the the main character asking her boyfriend "Are you gay??" Brandon looked at me, and I looked at him, and from our expressions we both were saying "oh shit". To sum up the movie the boyfriend had been in jail for a crime he iddn't commit, and ended up becoming infected, was released, and started passing it on. However the movie made HIV-AIDS out to be a gay epidemic, and presented the faslehood that the only way black women contract it is through having sex with a man who has had sex with another man. The movie didn't stress the importance of safe sex practices, getting HIV tests, or anything, it clear painted a picture that the only way she was infected was becasue her boyfriend was "GAY". That is my problem with this entire "DL Epidemic" people just choose to point the fingers, and no one takes responsibillity on a personal level for not taking the 2.3 seconds to strap up, and that is gay and stright society. I was utterly digusted with the entire film, and I will be busy sending e-mails to various organizations including GLAAD, and those of you that know me, know how much I hate the word faggot being used, and it was along with other things. I guess being the person I am with the exception of undergrad @ an HBCU, I have somewhat fell into being confortable around gay people. Last night I was in the theather and I felt so uncomfortable, what was even more sicking was the reaction people were giving, and the why reacted to the trash was just horrible. If all of black America has the mind set of those individuals that were there last evening, we really are in trouble with this epidemic........

Taking a Stand...

A Los Angeles based organization comprised of Black same-gender loving men, has taken a bold step in the fight against homophobia in our communities.
On Sunday’s, West Angelus Church of God and Christ attendees will have more to look at than just what each other is wearing as they walk down Crenshaw Boulevard. Thanks to the efforts of Jeffrey King, founder of In the Meantime Men, a new billboard has gone up at the intersection of Crenshaw and Jefferson in the heart of Los Angeles. The bill board reads, “The lives of Black gay men matter to God.”
Hallelujah and praise the Lord!
West Angelus Church of God and Christ, for those of you not in the know, if the home of the Bishop Charles Blake and one of L.A.'s very own mega churches. You may remember Blake from the Outing Black Pastor’s Campaign. We explained that Blake enjoys a curiously close relationship with the Bush White House. In May of 2005, Blake and other Black pastors met with Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice as the White House enlisted conservative African American clergy to support the President's Faith-Based Initiative. Blake was also one of a handful of Black preachers flown to Austin, Texas to meet with the then President-elect Bush. And, last year, Bishop Blake supported white religious right conservative Lou Sheldon when he launched the Black Contract with America on Moral values.
West Angeles, quiet as it is kept, is also a church full of Black same-gender loving people who are in the closet and/or living lives on the DL.
Message!
So this billboard is doing double duty. A reminder to the good church folks that our lives matter and a reaffirming message to those still trapped in the closet that their lives are important.
It’s exactly this kind of activism that inspires me.
Next step, let’s have the billboard made into banners and we can all stand in front of the church this Sunday. Anyone game? Holla…

Make Me Over......Make Me Nice...

Ike & Tina Turner had the hit Make Me Over. As my bestfriend Brandon and I amke fun of him wanting Anna Mae to sing rougher, and Jennifer Lewis asking "What do you mean by rougher?" it pretty much sums me up at this point in my life. I am wanting to go places, and do things that I have never done before. This new journey I have set out on has been great so far. I am finding out things about myself that I never knew I inhibited. I am starting to think about what makes Terrance happy, and what Terrance wants out of his own life, now what people want me to be. I realize I have to live my life for me, and me only. As I embark on this new journey I invite change, and friction. Last night Trey asked me how did I know I was not going to fall for the first Morris Chestnut that tried to holla @ me when I get to New York? Let's see if he would have asked me that six months ago I would have had to think about an anwser that very well could have been a lie....But I know what I want. He makes me feel complete in so many ways, even though I have not seen him in two years, I remember things about him, mainly his sense of humor. I know what he has a heart made of gold, and in this day in age if you have someone that shows you ginuwine interest, you better put it on lock ,and hold it near and dear to your heart. I used to think it was about finding some one with a nice bank account, a wall full of degrees, and very material...it gets old, boring, and qutie frankly those type of men are normally stuck on themselves. Instand I have found me a man that is good for me, he calls me just to hear my voice, he says sweet things, and explores my mind, body and spirit through analytical thinking, and asking what exactly he wants to know. He takes care of himself and his business, and want me to be in his life...Damn can a 21 year old boy from rural Texas want anymore? For you to be able to know that you have someone that wants you for you, and nothing else even matters, is a feeling you cannot put into words. For someone to get mad bacause you were not the last voice they heard before going to bed is not crazy, yet sweet, and caring. How do you know if it is the one, that is totally up to you, but I feel thus far I many have very well found the one for me....

Becoming more gay friendly...

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A record number of U.S. companies are trying to be gay-friendly, according to a survey released on Tuesday showing a growing number offering benefits and protections to gay and lesbian employees and customers.

An unprecedented 138 major U.S. companies scored 100 percent in a Corporate Equality Index compiled by the Human Rights Campaign, a Washington-based gay rights advocacy group.
That number was up from 101 companies last year and was 10 times higher than the 13 companies with that score in 2002, said the campaign, which conducts research and education programs and lobbies Congress.
Top companies offer such benefits as medical coverage and family leave to same-sex partners, prohibit discrimination against transgender workers or advertise in ways that respect gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people, it said.
"More companies are not only implementing very comprehensive workplace policies that cover gay employees and their families but more companies are doing it faster and also seeking recognition for it," said Daryl Herrschaft, director of the group's workplace project.
Consistent high scorers since the group began the index in 2002 have been IBM Corp. IBM.N>, Citigroup, J.P. Morgan Chase & Co., Levi Strauss & Co and Nike Inc., he said.
"I think corporations are responding to a basic American value that has served them well for hundreds of years, that does not change with the political winds," Herrschaft said.
"That is giving everybody equal opportunity at work, and making them feel like valued employees is not only the right thing but it's also good for the bottom line."
Research shows gay and lesbian consumers spend some $641 billion a year, he said. Also, gays and lesbians are likely to pay attention to workplace policies, are brand-loyal and have higher amounts of disposable income, Herrschaft said.
The campaign looked at 1,520 companies from such lists as the Fortune 1000 and Standard & Poor's 500 and culled enough information to rank 446 on its index.
Three companies scored zero -- Exxon Mobil Corp., Midwestern retailer Meijer Inc. and Plano, Texas-based Perot Systems technology consultants.
None of the three offered even minimal benefits or workplace protection for gay employees, the campaign said.
But Exxon said it had a "zero-tolerance" policy toward any form of discrimination and harassment, including that based on sexual orientation.
Representatives of Meijer and Perot Systems did not return calls seeking comment

Off my chest...

It's so hard to try to start over when you have so much baggage holding you down....I have recently started a new journey to happiness for the rest of my life. I have narrowed down, and identified many of the things that were making me unhappy, and I am currently taking the steps I need to correct them, for the betterment of myself.
Keeping it real: People say they want you to keep it real, but what exactly is keeping it real? I have noticed that in my past I have presented myself in falsehoods to make myself seem more than I really was. What I have come to learn is that people are going to be with you for you, and if they just want to be there for all the positive shit and none of the bad then they don't need to be in your life. For example you can feel like you know someone, tell them all kinds of shit, and the first chance they get they stab you in the back or jump teams. This has happened to me more than once. Instead of people taking the time to see you have a problem, and try to do an intervention, or seek help for your problem, the talk about you to no end when they are not much better than you in actuallity.
Knowing who is there for the long run and who is there on vacation: Well sadly most of the people I have had in my life over the past five years, were just with me on vacation, and one of the hardest things is to let people go from your life, who you thought you were going to have a life long friendship and or relationship with.
You see like I said above, I am on a journey to true happiness. I am in a new relationship which god has blessed me with, this is why. When I first met this person (Trey) my mind was still in early development phases. I was fresh out of a realtionship that was so emotionally trying on me that I was not feeling anything serious at the moment. I didn't return calls, never went to visit, and didn't care basically, I was young and immature, and he was older established, and mature. We kept in touch, and I could tell he seemed to be happy. I knew that I wanted to move to NYC sometime in the future, but after conversations with some of my mentors, and bestfriends I decided that if I wanted to make a move there would be no better time than the present. We found each other online. I created a a4a account in NYC to meet friends in NYC to get a feel for the city, and the first e-mail I got said "If you really moving to NYC I better be your boyfriend", even then I was like "Okay", it was not until I heard his sexy yet cute voice, and looked at the picture again to remind myself that NO ONE has ever made me feel the way he has. I don't have people to call me and just say they were thinking about me. It was a no brainer, I am more mature, know what type of hard work it takes to be a serious realtionship. My next major question was am I ready for that expecially after just getting out of a realtionship weeks ago, and I anwsered it "YES". You see everything I do, I walk out on faith, and I think that it is Destined for us to be together. I am not perfect, and he understands that, but the most important thing is he sees changes in me no one else sees...I am moving thousands of miles away from home. I am going to school, interning, and going to build relationships hopefully like long ones, but most importantly I will have someone to grow old with, someone I can be honest with, and someone that will value what we have.....It feels good to get shit off me chest....

The conversation....

Today was a okay day... I went and hung out with Brandon in the village for a little while, and talked to Trey who was upset because I forgot to call him back last night, but I was sooo damn tired...Never too tired for him, but my ass was knocked the fuc out... When we got back I recieved a call from a 409 area code, I was like who the fuck is this, it was Ashley from undergrad, she's ,y play sister Jatoya's AKA line sister. We had a long conversation, and she was tyelling me about a horrible brake up she went through, and I told her about all that had been going on in my life. I told her about me and my break up, and how I was making changes for the better in my life. She was so excited to hear that I am moving to NYC, she was like "do it d\big bitch, I know you will just by the way you hold it down in Houston". A memorial service for Ann Richards the former governor of Texas was held today @ The University Of Texasm when I was watching the clips on the news I caught a qoute that her grandmother delivered to the crowd "this is the only life we live, don't ponder on all of you mistakes, if you make one, fix it and go on about your life, we only get one chance..." that shit was soo deep. I look at my life in New York as a fresh start, I have new man in my life, I will be in a new HUGE city, with many people I can build relationships with. I am soo excited that I cannot hardly contain myself....

Lawrence v. Texas Plaintiff Tyrone Garner Dies

Tyrone Garner, one of the plaintiffs in the landmark 2003 Lawrence v. Texas case that effectively overturned state sodomy laws, died Monday.
Garner and John Lawrence challenged a discriminatory Texas sodomy law after they were arrested in 1998 for having consensual sex in Lawrence's home in Houston. The case eventually reached the U.S. Supreme Court, which ruled the law was unconstitutional, effectively overturning sodomy laws in the 13 states that still had them on the books.
Lambda Legal, which argued the case before the Supreme Court, first reported on Garner's passing and highlighted the immense role he played in the struggle for equal rights. "Because Tyrone Garner and John Lawrence had the courage to challenge homophobic sodomy laws, the U.S. Supreme Court recognized that love, sexuality and family play the same role in gay people's lives as they do for everyone else, said Lambda Legal Executive Director Kevin Cathcart. "That's a colossal legacy and one for which his community will forever be thankful."

CNN's Thomas Roberts talks about being "Out"

Published Tuesday, September 12, 2006

CNN anchorman Thomas Roberts acknowledged that he is gay while speaking Friday at the annual convention of the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association in Miami.
Roberts was a member of a panel, "Off Camera: The Challenge of LGBT TV Anchors." He told the audience that the conference was the "biggest step" he had taken to really be out in public and that he had slowly been coming out at CNN over the past several years, according to Boston journalist Johnny Diaz, a Boston Globe staffer who wrote about the conference on his blog, Beantown Cuban.
Diaz reported that Roberts said he was proud of his partner and that staying in the closet was a difficult thing for a national news anchorman.
"When you hold something back, that's all everyone wants to know," Diaz quotes Roberts as saying.
Unfortunately, those tuning in to see Roberts will no longer find him on Headline News.
Reuters reported Tuesday that a shuffling of the desk chairs at CNN for budgetary reasons will mean the cancellation of the 4-6 p.m. newscast co-anchored by Roberts. He and his co-anchor, Kathleen Kennedy, are reportedly being reassigned.
Roberts, who is based in Atlanta, joined CNN in December 2001, according to his bio on CNN's Web site. He co-anchored the network's coverage of the shuttle Columbia tragedy in 2003 and its ongoing Iraq war coverage. He received an Emmy nomination in 2002 for his investigation into a local puppy mill that was eventually shut down due to his reporting, according to CNN.
In 2005, CNN's site boasts, Jezebel magazine named him one of the "50 Most Beautiful Atlantans."(The Advocate)

I am AWAKE!!!

Today Brandon, and I went to Awakeings Movement, and I am so glad that we went. Today was their first day at the El Dorado Ballroom in Houston's historic Third Ward. The music was slammin, and the messege was great. I must say since I have been in Houston, meeting people from the African-American community has done me the most good. People like the founders of the Movement, and other community leaders have become a vital part in my success here as a young black man. Awakenings made me realize how much of a life I have to live, and that I need to live for me and God, no one else. The message told us more things than just the typical surface shit to seek in relastionships, and now that I am in a new one, it made me think about what I really want now.. While typing this message Trey just sent me this IM,

" I have told my ex about you..and I told him how excited I was that you were back in my life. I have been played soo many times..til it hurts. I know you have grown I can see it just in your conversation. I do think everything happens for a reason. And we may not know it at the time. But when I was in Houston I may jus have been in your life to plant a seed. Now the seed has developed into a full bloosmed plant. I know you have the qualities that I want in a friend, lover, and life partner, I am not scared that you are back in my life, I welcome it. I dont look at it as if it wont work. I look at it as if you are the person I have always waited for. So i am VERY HAPPY that you will be back in my life"

when I read that my emotions went into overdrive, and a nigga is almost crying. It's funny how we have to go thruogh so much bullshit in order to find someone that has been close to us all along. I am exctied, I welcome the changes I am making in my life for the better. After much prayer, and thinking, I feel like everything is finally starting to work out for me. I know that the next three months will be a bit much, but not too much, because I am going for the GOLD this time.... Looking back at my life in Houston over the past three years, I have been through so much, but the one thing I have going for me now is I came here a boy, confused, and just trying to get away and be in a place where I could be myself, find love, and shop my ass off. I am now a man, a man of many faces, style, substance, and education. A man of god, glory, and a man that know the importance of true love, and the difference in love and lust. No longer can I seek the man for a nice car, trips to the Galleria, and boppin off of the things he can provide, as we all know that these Worldy things and money are the root of all evil besides the devil himself. For now it is finding someone to please me and help me live the life god has created for me.....

I can tell by the sounds in your voice...

My favriote artist Frankie Beverly featuring Maze have the song "I can tell by the look in your eyes..." well I am in a new relationship, or something like that... Lets see I met a guy a couple of years ago, and I was in my young and free days, didn't feel like being tied down so therefore I didn't. About a year ago I ran into him, and found out he had moved to NYC, never though much more about it nor him. Well with all that has been going on I was weighing my options of places I wanted to move, and possibally start a new life for myself without all of the demons, and misfortunes I have had here in Houston. I said to myself "why not the big apple", however I had these huge fears. I created a account on A4A, and the first note I got was from him. The qoute from him was "if you moving here now, I better be your ni99a..." I was like who is this then when I looked at the body shots I was instantly reminded of who I was talking to. Well to cut out all the middle bullshit I found out that it was him Trey, he is still in NYC lving nicely, however he was very lonely, and wants someone to have and hold. I jumped right into it head first...I am not acting out of lust I am acting from the heart. We have instantly connected, and with the exception of a few worries I think he could be the one...I will be visiting him in the city next month for his birthday, and I cannot wait...You see shit like this all the time on TV and in the movies but you never think it will happen to you.....

My New Promo For My Blog...

Getting Up Outta Hea...

A confused soul I was. Living for others I did. Not anymore, I have decided that I am going to step out on faith for a change in life. I have been debating what I want to do with this chapter in my life for quite some time now, and it is clear. I have decided to make the BIG MOVE... I will be moving to New York City this year to find my dreams, and live the life I want to live. I have always been scared for sometime to move fa away from home, but I think ultimatly it might be what I need to fully grow up. I want to live the life of a young openly gay black man in a all-american city where I can enjoy evening shows, great food, chilling at coffee houses with other yuppies, and enjoying this life. This starts a new chapter in so many ways. I will start by taking the next month to do some heavy duty organizing,takling care of my business here in Texas, making sure all of my posessions are taken care of until I can send for them. I will then takle the task of speaking with my family and basically telling them what my intentions are, and that I need this... Most importantly I will take the time to get to know Trey much better, yes Trey the new guy in my life, well actually not the new guy in my life, a flame from the past I am rekendling in a new city, with a new additude...I will be okay, I have no choice right?? Below is a letter from a new friend on myspace, and blogger helping me with some words of wisdom...

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: Uppity Brotha

Date: Sep 12, 2006

6:24 PM

Hey There Darian, I wanted to send you a message in addition to the last message I sent you. Well I must say I love your blog. I have taken the time over the past weekend to read almost all of your entries. You remind me of myself so much. I am 21 years old fresh out of college, and I currently reside in Houston,TX. I am from a smaller city in TX about 100 miles NW of Houston. I recently graduated from college with two degrees, one in Mass Communications, and Architecture. I do a lot of work here in Houston with the community, as well as back on campus with a club I started fro GLBT students on campus. I truely got comfortable with being here close to home, but far enough, but I am starting to see that if I want to better myself, and really "LIVE" I might have to leave TX, but I am so scared. I am here in Houston, and there is not much a a market for young gay black men in PR. I would love to move somewhere like DC, NYC, or ATL, but I am not sure. I know I should go out on faith, but that is so much eaiser said than done. I know you just did a dross country move so how was it???

The Response:

Hey Terrance ! So this is what I have to say, after living in 4 cities over the past 8 years I know a little bit about moving. You said it yourself, "you're just gonna have to step out on faith". That's exactly what I did and each time I landed on my feet. When I moved to L.A. all I had was 400 dollars in my pocket, 2 suitcases, and a dream, and I built a pretty good life for myself there. I think NYC, DC, or ATL, would be great cities for you to really "LIVE" in, the opportunities are endless, not to mention the thriving black gay culture that are present in all 3 cities. Come up with a game plan and no matter what don't allow yourself or anyone else talk you out of it or tell you how hard it's gonna be on your own. It won't always be easy, but it will definitely be worth it at the end of the day. Good luck and keep me posted. If you decide to move to ATL you know you already have a friend in me.

Peace,

Darian

Loving Katie...

Well as a Journalist myself I watch on average of 6 or 7 hours of news a day. This past Spring I didn't see what the big deal was about Katie Couric from the today show moving to CBS to take the place of Bob Schiffer, who assumed the evening news ancor position after Dan Rather retired after a report of BUSH. But from the moment the announcement was amde CBS said they were amking huge changes to the evening news program. I have watched eveyday, and I am now officially a CBS Evening News Viewer. They have a newer brighter set, better graphics, and it just does not remind you of a traditional evening news program, where they can sometime be so boring a drabb... Couric pulled in over 14 millions viewers on her first night on the job. Hmmm she is the first female solo ancor, will I be the first openly black gay male ancor?? LOL....

Tired of hearing about Ne-Yo...

Okay I went out and bought Ne-yo when it came out, the tunes were good, and he was very attractive to me. A few weeks later I came across an article in which he said he was "a sex addict". I remember thinking to myself oh shit...I knew it would only be a matter of time before the gay topic surface, and here we are now.... I first saw last week that he was supposed to be coming out in a upcoming issue os Essence (which I have a paid subscription I paid for at the Essence Music Fest. in Houston, TX last July, and have yet to receive) so I did a little bit of digging. I found that a representive from Essence released a statement saying to her knowledge he was not even in an upcoming issue, and that she nor Essence did not know where the story had come from. Now I honestly believe that what one does is their business, and unless you are like that horrible 50 CENT and just come out and make a statement saying "I hate faggots" as he did in a issue of Vibe i have no problem with you and what you do. There are so many men walking aorind in the entertainment industy that are suspect shall I list them hmmmm sure why not?

• Usher Raymond- One of my friends that attends Spelman in Atlanta came home to visit this past summer, and while we were driving she said "I was in the airport, and in front of me in the security line there was this flamboyant guy with rimstones. and glasses, he reminded me to you Terrance, once I got through secutiy he was attacked by a crowd of people, and I saw it was Usher, he is so gay" Now I have always figured that he was, when she told me that, ll I could do was laugh...



• 50 Cent - Anytime someone makes a statement like the one he made, they clearly have something they are trying to hide and\or rin from...



• Bobby Valentino- I am not buying the entire Motrosexual thing, or maybe since he is so damn cute I am just wishing....



• My list goes on, and on.....

So for the sake of those of us that don't care can we please stop pinning the "GAY" pen on so many people, if they are gay and want people to know we will know...until then we can only assume, and you know what they say about assumptions.......

This is a big deal? Sure shouldn't be.....

What's seems to be with eveyone and Beyonce`?? The Houston native's sophomore solo CD 'B' Day was released this past Tuesday, I must say being here in Houston, they brought out all of the bells and whistles. Music World entertainement alongside BET threw a Texas sized birthday-album release party downtown for all of her fans to come and support her. All of the creme-de-la-creme of Houston's youngester were in attendance. surely I know with all this fan-fare that this CD was going to top her first solo project, or even sound better than some of the later Destiny Child music, boy was I let down. On her new CD, I only can listen to one track and enjoy it, the rest of them sounds like some shit she just recorded when she was bored. I think if we can put that much into something like throwing monster events for a CD that is that poorly done, we can surly invest more into more pressing issues in Houston, the rest of the nation, and the world. We as people often praise people for all of the worng reasons. Living in the Houston area all of my life, and being a fan of the original Destiny Child, I must say eveything they have done since The Writings On The Wall, has pretty much been frap with the exception of a few tracks here and there..... I am just not quite understanding what powers this girl, and her family have on this city???

This weekend..

This weekend has been relaxing..I went to the beach with some friends yesterday, and for the first time in my life I realized how relaxing the beach is. I feel like a character on Noahs' Arc for some reason. I am finally starting to enjoy my life like I should have a long time ago. I am stating to think outside the box, and finding out what makes me tick. I am ready to focus so much time and effort on TOG Media. I am redesigning my entire concept, and the direction I want my company to go in. I know what serivce I want to provide, but it is the hard work of researching my markets, and finding out what exactly I have to do to be successful. As far as a love life goes it is the last thing on my mind right now.....to be continued...

To be or not to be?

I just got off the phone with my homeboy DJ who wanted me to keep him awake on his last leg into ATL for Black Pride Weekend. I am somewhat upset I am missing it, but I am content with being here in Houston. I am stil trying to recover from everything that has went on. TOdya I went downtown to take some pictures, and just relax a little. I am starting to see my love for photography really come out. I finally told my mother that I want to go to film school today, she was very nonchalant as usual. This week I am glad I got to get much needed rest, tomorrow we are supposed to be heading to the beach in Galveston so I can take some pictures, and relax.....I guess I am about to head to bed...