for the past six years i thought i lived just for me. i thought i ran my own life, and id what i wanted to do. that analogy was only semi true. over the past couple of weeks i have been doing a lot of thinking about myself, what makes me happy, and what i want my life to be. you see i was once a young sgl black man with only goals of having the life that most educated sgl men have, i wanted the nice loft in nyc, or the house in the suburbs that would have the empty bedrooms. when you come from where i come from, being gay also means that to cover up for what most feel is not normal you have to be successful, you have to have the nice material things, and the huge banks accounts. 2007 have been one of the best years of my life, because for the first time i was able to sit down and explore tog for tog. i was able to make decisions about my life, what i wanted from it, and how i wanted to live it. i used to think it was not meant for gays to be married, and have children, this lifestyle does not openly promote longevity in our relationships, and now that i look back have that mentality is what destroyed most of my past relationships. when you change your way of thinking, and ask god to guide you in your thoughts and decisions he will do just that, and if you show him you are worthy then he will make sure you have the correct understanding in your life. since this has happened he has began the process of putting the appropriate people in my life to make my dreams a reality, and make sure i have that life that i am proving to him i want.
what do i want now?i now want a family. when you grow up and you feel like your childhood has been altar ed or something has went terribly wrong you often want your chance to give your children the world, or you just avoid children altogether. i want a family, a husband to love and grow old with. i want children who we can give undying love, guidance, and a great home life to. i want to be successful in my business ventures, and show the world that sgl black men are capable of having normal households, and successful lasting lifelong relationships. i want to play golf with my son, teach my daughter how to cook. i want the Christmas pictures, the birthday parties, romantic getaways, and a house of love. do i think i can magically get all of this without determination can hard work? HELL NO!!! but i am willing to put in the work required .
