So I am still in my hometown, I sprained my foot last week, so I am here letting it get better. I have been a way from home for four years with the exception of being at home for summer vacation after fresmen year of undergrad, so this is the first time I have been home for an extended period of time. I would not say I ahve ran from my problems, but more or less I never had to deal with anything here becasue I knew I could always return to my own life back in Houston, where I can live however I want and not have to anwser to anyone. Well my family saw first had how depressed I was, and how bad I took my last break up, and honestly even though I have moved on, and somehow found love again, there are still fresh scars from the old relationship that remain. This morning I was laying on the floor in the family room, and my mother was sitting on the sofa, we started talking about random ass things, and out of no where my mother just said "There is no way I would attempt to go to New York by myself" it caught me off gaurd. I think that my mom understands that I am a city boy, I have no desire to ever become a resident of my hometown for more than a week ever again. I know that she worries about me, hell I worry about myself. Where I come from my family feels that since I have my two degrees that I need to build on those, there is no need in going to film school, or gradaute school to start working on a PHD. They just don;t understand what it is like to be me. I put myself through all four years old undergrad, unlike my brother and sister I chose to stay close to home without a support system, than go thousands of miles from home with a support system. I stayed worked hard, made a life for myself, and it was one of the best things I have done in my life. I lived in Houston, a city that is industrial, but it has a unique southern charm. For some reason I fiqured that I would be in Houston, for the rest of my life, but as I decided what I wanted to do with my life I found that Houston was not the place for me to acomplish my many goals. The black gay community in Houston is....well...you get it.. The city if very diverse, but I still get bored very easily becasue you can be a little over-cultured in a city life Houston. My mother is someone that never really took chances, and honestly I am not sure why. She got a great job, and decided to stay here, she raised her three kids, maintains a comfortable lifestyle, and was able to be close to family and friends. My family never really took much of an intrest in my during my time in undergrad, I was in many competitions and organizations which they never really asked about, and honestly I didn't care. That is the reason why I didn't attend my college commenecement exercises, becasue I felt I didn't want a lot of extra people that have not really contributed to my success, to share something so near and dear to me, I decided to chill and enjoy my day...So now as I embarc on the journey of my life, moving to a new city, starting completely over, and not looking back, I have many fears. I will say the largest fear is not being about to adjust to my new surroundings. It is goingto be hard to move somewhere where everything is different, and not having anyone there besides my boyfriend to help me get through things. I kow I am going to miss Texas, hell it is all I know where everything is bigger and better...But will NYC be bigger and better for TOG?? Well one thing that will remain is I will always be my mama's baby.......
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