while i was in nyc, my mother decided to read my blog, and the entry she read, she though i had left texas for good. i assured her that i had a plan for moving to new york, and that i would be fine. i returned here to texas for a shorttime to take care of some things, before making my final official move to new york. when i arrived back home it was like a dark cloud, came over me, my feelings and emotions. for a while i have battled with many issues that i have ignored, but as i get older and get a louder voice, i will not and cannot remain silent. some issues when you comment on them it only makes tha sitution worst, so that is why i have choosen not to live around my family. for the fisrt time in my life i am finally starting to feel comfortable with almost all aspects in my life. i am laying the foundation for a successful career in public relations, community service, and journalism, my mind is at ease for the most part when it comes to me. yesterday i had a horrible arguement with my brother, who has sooooo many issues that i cannot even begin to explain any of then nor do i care to, and i finally said a lot of things to my mother that was on my mind. i told here that i didn't feel comfortable around them, i didn't feel confortable as a visitor in her home, and i should not have to feel like that because of a sorry ass 28 year old who is wasting his life. i told her that i am moving to new york, and i don't want o hear anyone try to tell me to wait, or not to go becasue my mind is made up. i understand that my mother worries about me, i cannot explain the type of relationship that we have, i can only say that it is a love hate special realtionship which is priceless to me. i have to look at her pov from a parents perspective, yet i have to remember that i have to do what is good for me, and something that will make me a better person in the long run. my biggest fear that i explained to my bestfreind brandon, was i don't want to become one of these little homosexual black men that move 2000 miles away from family, and get one of those horrible, lonely relationships, where i have nothing but others in the gay community to get a family feeling. i want to maintain a good relationship, but i am finding that is going to be very very hard. there are so many things about my hometown that i just hate, and when i say it it makes it seem like i am ashamed or i have let going o college and living in the city change me, and that is not the siuation at all...i'm not sure, i guess i will have to continue to pray about it, and hopefully eveything will be fine, if everything is not, i know i will be....
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