another chapter of closure....

you never leave a good book unread, you never leave good dessert uneaten, you never leave the house with out taking a shower or brushing your teeth, and a new rule to add to my list you never let love go without closure. after six years in the life as we call it, and many attempts at successful relationships their was one that just got me. earlier this year after taking a break from dating after a horrible experience with a crazy bastard, i decided to jump back into the dating arena. 2007 brought a lot of changes, and by february of this year i was completely comfortable with dating again. one major difference was I was in my hometown, and lets just say the selection was horrible. i found someone and decided that he must have been Heaven sent, and I was going to do right by this man, he was older and established. to make a long story short it didn't work, and i was so hurt and disappointed because i changed so much, and did so much for the good, and i felt like he didn't care. we went our separate ways, and it was not until tonight i told him how i felt and how things had happened, and how much he hurt me, and for the first time i felt like he cared....normally apologies don't mean shit, but his did, because i felt like i opened up to him to let him know the shit was real f**ked up, and their was no way to sugarcoat it, and i didn't try to. you see i feel like it's terrible to make someone else suffer for something that a previous cats did, so address it and move on.........

sometimes we seek too much....

a lot of people look @ me and think because of my attitude and persona i am not a relationship oriented person. i usually stay away from the relationship thing when i am not in one, but this week so much has happened that decided to do a little post on relationship according to tog. i have been a openly sgl man for 6 years now, and of that time about 5 years i have been in some type of serious relationship. When i was new to the game having a boyfriend was simply "cute" i had on for the sake of having one after my first and longest relationship was over. had the person to call a lover yet i was still talking to other dudes, and not taking anything seriously. i have always been content with being alone, but the image of having a fine dude by your side is one of my weaknesses. then their was another relationship, we seemed to have it all, the nice crib, the cars to match, and i even was able to make him over from a over weight sales rack from ross dress for less wearing, to a galleria shopping urban attractive dude. it didn't work, simply because HE DIDN'T WORK, no income, and major bills bring major problems. if i have to miss a trip to the galleria or a vacation because of two car notes, and rent i get a bit temperamental. when it come to relationships i look at what many look at in a mate, size matters to most, but to me size matters not in the pants, but in how you treat me. size matter when i look into your eyes, and you look into mine. in this life sex defines relationships and that is so wrong. it's not ALL about between the sheet, but it's about how you fuck my mind with your words, and how you as my mate make me feel. it means getting that text from you to tell me how much you are thinking about me, missing me, and wanting to be with me. it's about sharing a vision for growth, and love among other things...i often wonder sometimes do we week too much, or not enough??

i love my DELTA!!!!!

the most exciting news for me in a while....I'M FINALLY A DELTA!!!! so what's the big deal you might ask?!?! well it started back in 2002, when i saw a group of men in houston, texas. attending a fine institution of higher education such as prairie view a&m university, greek life is embedded into your way of life, and it's a culture of it's own. as a freshmen in college i explored many organizations, and one particular organization stood out. as i started attending events i could see that the members were not at all for having a openly gay member. i was thinking damn i can bring so much to an organization, but i will never have a chance because they are going to judge me solely on my sexual orientation. i quickly started to look into organizations and one stood out, it was the first established. it was an organization started by one man with one vision, to give gay men a color a chance to be a part of a brotherhood, loyalty, and be able to remain true to themselves. i found this particular organization had a chapter in houston, however i didn't know any of the members personally. i know that one day i would be a part of this organization. i prayed, and knew my day would come. after years of waiting, i rushed, was interviewed, and i found out i was accepted for membership. i never knew what to expect, but the education process would teach me so much about myself and others. i went on line august 20, 2007. for six weeks, i was introduced to so many situations, and personalities that i never in a million year thought i was be around and exposed to. i was forced to open up to people, and let my weaknesses that i have tried so hard to hide show. i was forced to humble myself, and be broken down in ways i never saw possible in order to be built up as a man of even more class, style, and elegance. on october 6th at 11:41am my dreams became a reality as myself and my seven other line brothers became members of the Infamous Iota Chapter of Delta Phi Upsilon Fraternity Inc. it's still sinking in that i have new brothers, that love and respect me for me. So what does this mean now? it means i am ready to accept the challenge and do what i have to do for my beloved Delta. it mean honoring the purpose of my organization, and taking it to new levels through my passion, and God-given gifts of creativity, and style. it means going out and seeking the best possible men to become a part of this glorious wonderful organization..... just know it's all about that red and old gold baby......

2007 hrc hbcu summit....

last month i had the privilege again to attend the hrc hbcu summit "the power of your voice" in washington d.c.. as always it was a eye opening, unique experience. now the hrc is one of those organizations that is often criticized in the black gay community for being so "white washed". for the past two years the hrc has played a pi vital role in my life as a young gay man living in america. when i was lost and confused on so many things, hrc came into my life, and taught me the importance of equality and human rights. with the hbcu program, you meet so many people ,and get so many ideas. it's so amazing that you can meet people and in a matter of a few hours you feel like you have known them your entire life. you exchange life stories, experiences, you laugh at each other, with each other, you cry, and have fun. the program provides guidance in so many areas of life for young african american students and advisers in the hbcu community. this year the summit was a bit different, their were less people, yet the experience was so powerful. i was reunited with people from past conferences, not just associates, but life long friends. issues that i was once ashamed to admit, i not face them, and communicate them to others. i had the pleasure of meeting so many people in our community that is making a difference each and every day. i was able to sit down and brainstorm ideas with people from across the country as well as come up with creative solutions to address problems and issues. i was able to go p on capitol hill meet a friend from undergrad who is doing her thing, and for her to tell me "terrance, you have changed so much, and you look so happy" was something i needed to hear. for me to meet so many influential people, and almost break down when i had to say good bye was an experience i could never express...

i'm back!!!!!!

i am so loved.... my last entry on my blog was almost two months ago, and let me first apologise for not letting you know i was going to be on a little break, but s you will see and read, i have been so busy that even i didn't know what was going on! Let's see my last entry came while i was in Los Angeles, CA, helping my boy sadiki get settled in to like in kali. california was great, i never thought i could fall in love with l.a., i mean the earthquakes, and it just always seemed like a different world. well thanks to sadiki not having an apartment, we had to explore the city beyond the typical tourist spots. we had to venture into neighborhoods, and get accustomed to the california way of life in a matter of hours. once we got over the initial shock of the apartments not coming with stoves and fridges, then we were fine. after finding his apartment we were able to enjoy l.a., we ate out, shopped, went to the beach, and really enjoyed ourselves. i was so proud of my little buddie when i left l.a., after a short trip due to a family death, i returned to houston where my life would forever be changed........