tog defines his P.R.I.D.E.....

this past weekend i celebrated gay pride along with thousands of other men, women, women-men, men-women, and children across the country, as we mark the annual anniversary of the stonewall riots in new york city. last year was my first year every attending what people in the life commonly refer to as the "white pride". this year was so different, for many reasons. anyone that is familiar with me know that my sexuality does not define me, it plays a huge role in my daily life, but it is not my sole purpose for life, and i don't eat, sleep and shit the rainbow. however their are a few things i wanted to breakdown for my readers so let me vent...

i knew i was gay at a young age, and i felt it was not right. when you are a young black boy growing up their are certain things you are not supposed to say and do. i remember as a young boy i hated outdoors, i loved dolls, and bright colors, however i knew that it would not be accepted at all. when i came out to my mother at 16 she told me she had known and was just waiting on me to tell her, and that she was going to love me no matter what. at 16 i dove head first into the scene, clubbing 5 nights a week, the boyfriends, all that, then focus changed slowly but surely... a year ago i went though so much as i was going though one of the most difficult periods in my life with a breakup, and just issues that many young adults face.

over the past year i have changed sooo much as a person. you see i have never been ashamed of being gay, however i never celebrated with pride like i did this past weekend. i met sooo many people from an adopted 13 year old with two fathers, to a lady in her early 30's with a 11 year old son that she knows is already gay, and is encouraging him to be himself, she said to me " honey my 11 year old bedazzled and rhimestoned my skirt, and i know already, he is going to be just like my brother, and life with our loved ones is too short for us to dwell on something like homosexuality, we should love each other for who the are not who they are attracted to." i saw so many couple and families all weekend and it reinforced what i want in life right now...

i want the all american life. i want the house or trendy condo with my children. i want the suv to take our children where they need to go, and be able to give children the life i might not have had. i want to shop for toys at christmas time, disney world in the summer, and school plays. i want to cook, "not big on cleaning so hire a great maid or nanny", i want to know true love, and to show the world that we are all God's children and all these society barriers need to be broken down for good. i want to show the world that all gay men are not materialistic label whores that club and fuck all the time, instead most of us want normal lives, we want true love, and happy homes....

this past weekend i met so many people that have made a lasting impact on my life, and reinforced the pride in my heart for who i am in my heart, body and soul, and who I have been for almost 22 years now. i walked in the parade with the human rights campaign, and to walk that stretch of westhimer rd. and see ll those people and have complete strangers feel what i feel, feel the discrimination, hate, but yet so much love was a feeling i could never possibly put into words.....

Houston Pride Festival gives peek at history

** I made the houston chronicle....

Exhibit boasts one of the largest archives on gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender life

By SARAH VIREN
Copyright 2007 Houston Chronicle

Terrance Gilbert, 21, takes a look around the Resurrection Metropolitan Community Church Gay History Tent at the Houston Pride Festival in Montrose on Saturday.

Jessica Kourkounis: For the Chronicle

Just past the hot-pink columns marking the entrance to Saturday's Houston Pride Festival, beyond the stand for a woman painting portraits on river rocks and through the throngs of young couples in rainbow necklaces sat what has come to be known as "The History Tent."

Inside, hushed chatter replaced the music blaring through the rest of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender festival, which preceded the evening's Pride Parade in Montrose.

"That is a very popular table," said Larry Criscione, pointing out a display of black-and-white photographs, including one from a Village People concert. Down from that were aisles of archived magazines and books, including a photo book of female impersonators from the 1930s and a 1974 manual titled "Information on transexualism for law enforcement officers."

A wiry postal worker who talks with his hands, Criscione, 60, has spent the past 13 years building, preserving and cataloging what has become one of the largest GLBT archives in the country. Housed at the Resurrection Metropolitan Community Church in Houston, it includes 20,000 books, 100,000 periodicals and 15,000 photos.

On Saturday, Criscione lugged out about 3,000 of the items to share with the thousands who flocked to Pride.

"I didn't know that anyone kept this stuff about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people," said Terrance Gilbert, 21, visiting from College Station. "It makes me want to hang on to more stuff."

The collection was started in the 1970s by Charles Botts, a NASA worker who just "loved collecting stuff on the GLBT community," Criscione said.

Before his death in 1994, Botts was spending 40 hours a week building his archives. One time, when Allen Ginsberg visited Houston on a book tour, Botts brought the author his entire collection of Ginsberg books and asked for a signature in each. It's for the gay and lesbian archives, he told Ginsberg, who quickly started signing.

Since Botts' death, Criscione has taken up where Botts left off. A self-described bookworm, Criscione said he was a late bloomer in the gay movement, coming out in the 1990s. But he's made up for it since then: He put 100 hours into Saturday's display, for instance, and devotes about 10 hours a week improving the church's archive.

On Saturday, a steady stream of festival goers filed through his white tent, some to escape the rain, but others were drawn by the intrigue of history. Kate Brusegaard spent much of her time in the tent flipping through old magazines she had read as a younger woman. She said the collection made her think about "how far we have come."

"We're accepted by all these corporate sponsors and everything now," she said, waving toward the food and drink booths crowding the festival grounds.

The Botts collection is one of two such archives in Houston. Organizers of both are engaged in friendly competition for pieces, Criscione said. But one day, the goal is to combine them to form a Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Museum.

Criscione's immediate goal is more simple: to teach the younger generation. Hanging on the wall of the tent Saturday were two historical posters that he likes to point out to visitors.

The first was from June 25, 1978, announcing the first town meeting for gays and lesbians in Houston. Next to it was a poster offering a $2,000 reward for information on the Montrose slaying in 1991 of Paul Broussard, a gay man, by a group of teenagers from The Woodlands. On the poster was a description of the hate crime.

"People need to see our political struggles," Criscione said. "Back then people bled and sweat and died for our rights. People need to know that."

being encourged...

this week is almost over and i am soooo ready for the weekend...well my grandmother is doing better, she is responsive, and moving, yet she cannot speak. that has made everyone relax a little more around here. i have been working so hard on so many things this week, and God continues to bless me with people to inspire me and encourage me. yesterday i went to a meeting with someone i have become quite fond of, another local graphic designer i am working on a project with, and after like an hour we spoke about so many things, and she had so many nice and kind things to say to encourage me to do my thing. 2007 as i have said repeatedly has been a year of such development in my life from the boy i was into a man. i have come to terms with so many things that i have needed to in order to become a successful man. most 21 year old would be scared to step out of faith as i am doing to start a business with no capitol, and in a environment conservative city like bryan-college station. however thier is something inside my soul that i cannot tell to clam down, and their is a god above that continues to put people in my life that want so badly for me to make it, and see me succeed...well as for the up coming weekend i will be going to PRIDE houston, with my best friend brandon, and going to the true colors tour cyndi lauper concert sunday. next week i will return home work like a slave, and head to dallas, for shopping, to see my friends, and attend my cousin's party. i am sooo geeked...

the many tests of faith....

greetings all, well this week is officially half over, yet i have been through sooo much already. yesterday my maternal grandmother suffered a stroke. with emotions flying high today we found out that she is doing relatively well, and hopefully with grace of the Lord she will make a recovery. it's a shame that it takes things like this happening to make us understand how much we love and value loved ones. the most important thing for me is maintaing my composure, and beign there for my mother as she has never really been through anything like this. please keep me and my family in your prayers. one a little better note, my new job has been going well, and trying to get ready for the fall has proven to be a even larger task that i expected. out last place fell through so brandon & i will be living in a brand new condo @ a new luxury student community in college station called the woodlands of college station. the fun thing is we will have to find a roomate this week at a roomate match party the complex is throwing, i asked brandon "what are the chances we will meet someone we can live with?" he said "we won't" lol is all i could do.... i have also been working hard on getting everything situated with TOG Media and Tomar, but that is a different entry. tonight someone that i have been cool with hit me up on yim and yold me he read my blog, and was impressed, i am sooo excited that people are reading and exploring me and finding out what type of person I really am, and as sally field said "you like me.."

let them eat cake....

as most of you know i am planning for my birthday this year...last year was not the best birthday for me, so i said this year if the Lord said the same i would have a birthday to remember. i am not going to say too much for fear of spoiling it for my guests, but i will say i am soooo excited about my birthday. i am back in my hometown so i have chosen to have a little affair here, very personal, nothing too big, but done with the up most class!! my theme this year is my favorite things [like oprah]. my event will be a lawn party where my family and friends can enjoy themselves, and i can do some much needed catching up with some of my family and friends. hell is took me damn near three weeks to design a invitation, and the few people that have seen them are saying how creative they are. someone told me i need to tell them what to do as far as gifts were concerned.... here it goes:

- well i have become fond of a few things, i love tiffany and co. i know it is not in most people's budget, but i love it. i also love the gap & abercrombie, i wear small shirts, and tops, and my waist size is a 28-30x30. i love glasses, ipods, john legend, sex & the city, whole foods, and dvds. i also love underwear....so there we go...lol

honestly as long as i am around people i love, i will be okay. the past year has taught me so much about life in general, and i have been so blessed......

the HEAT......

as i walk out of the house everyday I am reminded of how hot is gets in texas. well so far the summer of 2007 is proving to be one of intense heat and changes for the good. i am preparing to move into new digs with my best friend brandon, who also will be attending texas a&m in the fall for grad school. when i moved home i sold a lot of stuff with the anticipation of moving to nyc, but since i am here i will go ahead and buy new shit, so we are going to have fun @ ikea huh brandon? since i have been home i kinda reverted back to a teenager, as i got comfortable with not have to worry about daily responsibilities of life such as rent, and all that. however the more comfortable i got, the more uncomfortable i got, and i quickly realized i needed my own space... brandon seems to think i have good taste in everything, i picked out a nice apartment close to school, and work for me, i wanted something new and that we could quickly feel at home....not only that i am preparing for my 22nd birthday festivities, which will be a week long of events..... after that i will be getting ready for school, atlanta pride, and our trip to nyc....so the heat is on......

the art of closue...

closure is an art in itself. well if you have been keeping up with me you would know that 2007 has been a year i have grown up, and chosen to take a more spiritual approach to life in general. well last sunday my pastor preached about closure. the sermon hit me is so many way, mainly because i was a a part of the sermon. well last month i lost my job, a job i had put so much into, and because i seem to be america's threat, young black, educated and gifted, they let me go as a graphic designer. well it was to my surprise the following day i got a better job, with better pay, a better work environment, and benefits. once you give close to issues that seem to be wearing you down, your life is so much easier. once you discover that their is a GOD or all that handle all of or problems at his own will. GOD puts us through struggles to test our faith, and show us that their is none above him and his word. i am blessed to have spiritual guidance from someone like my pastor that does not pass judgement, and understands what it's like to be a young black man with so many obstacles stacked against you. he understands growing up with a mother who works hard to provide, and at the same time shows a boy how to become a productive man. he tells me to just do you in the eyes of the Lord and you will be okay "t" and that is what i do. i used to be caught up on what ex's were doing what others had, and what i wanted to have but i now understand that you have to put closure on issues. people that have done me wrong i pray for them and go own about my daily tasks. i don't place a heavy emphasis on material things, and my image like i once did. i understand everything in life happens for a reason, and because of God's goodness he owes us no explanation.....

i see just how popular my blog is.....

today when i got home, my mother asked me "who has some type of vendetta against you??" i asked her what do you mean? well it turns out that someone took the time to print every page (130 to be exact) of this blog out and send it to my my old address addressed to my grandparents. well considering i don't put anything on my blog that i am not afraid of anyone in the world seeing, i don't see what that individual(s) motives were? did they think because I am a young gay man of color that this would some how rip my world apart? i said fuck it i am going to take my blog down. it was not until i saw what they sent that, i said damn someone is soooo worried about me, that they would take the time to print out my entire blog, spend $5.00 on postage only to get NOWHERE.... whoever did it must not have read my blog. you see i am a very independent young black man who take care of himself, i don;t answer to anyone, because i have worked hard to educate myself, and i work everyday to provide for myself so if i even wanted to be a transsexual i could. i don't come from one of those close minded families that take things like this and let it tear them apart, and more importantly i come from a family where shit like this pitiful attempts to tear us apart only bring us closer together to find out who did it. when you do shit like this you put you name on it, but they were not even have the ball or cunt to do so......if anything they have inspired me to continue blogging about my life and current events, and i know that people are hitting my shit up......