life experiences can change us, and we might not even know it. take myself for example, i have been back in my hometown for about two months, while i make all of the necessary preparations to move to new york for graduate school. i decided a while back that i was going to make some major changes in my life, and i must say i am feeling the exact from the changes i have made. i told myself i was going to just go with the flow, and enjoy life as a whole not just select units of it. i told myself i was going to embrace my life more, and build better relationships with people particularly my family and closet friends. i went through a horrible break up which i am still feeling the effects from, and still seeing the vi sable, and emotional wounds it left behind. my relationship with my mother has always been close, however when i left to go to college 4 years ago a lot changed. i started to develop my own thoughts, started to mole myself into the type of young black man i wanted to be, and move forward at a fast pace. well here we are 4 years later, i have a few relationships behind me, and a head full of more knowledge of just how the world, and people in general operate. for example i returned to the main campus this past week to see jl king speak, and walking around i honestly did not miss my alma matter. there were still the little tired desperate boys walking around looking at me like i was stupid. upon return home i have lenghty conversation with my other best friend jack, who is a senior at pvamu. he told me that his theory for why most hate me, is not because of my attitude, he said "terrance it is because they are not you". he told me that looking at me and really knowing me he understands how my mind works, he told me he understood most of my views, and i can come off as being rough around the edges until you get to know me.... i am a openly gay black man living in tx with a voice, and not many people can say that. i have a equal balance of gay and straight friends, and most importantly i have a i don't give a fuck attitude. if i see something i want, from a prada bag, to a university i want to attend, to a bowl of soup I GET IT AT ANY COST.... I believe that that entire attitude comes from my mother. with the lost of my father at an early age my mother did a great job making sure her "baby" was supported in everything, and well taken care of at any cost, and i will forever be grateful to her for that. looking at my life i could clearly see why others who pass judgement on me and my life without knowing me. when you have a world with so many small minded individuals then you get this kind of shit... being home has really made me become more humble in different ways, my mother and i still bump heads about simple culture issues, she is comfortable with her life, and sometimes does not understand mine, but i just have to explain to her that as much as she wants to be in my generation she is still old skool...when i look back 4 months ago i didn't know where my life was going. i had no vision, and i never thought that coming home to regroup would be so rewarding. i have come home to many business opportunities, a new job i love, and home cooked meals multiple times a week. most importantly for the first time in my life i feel like i am free to be terrance, not the flashy, label wearing, outspoken token queer boy, but the same outspoken, relaxed, original boy from bryan, tx.....so when people call me a spoiled brat, that is one of the few names besides the ones on my birth certificate, that i will answer to....
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